


Don't Worry, I Deserve This

by SapphireLuna8768610



Category: Eddsworld
Genre: And he doesn't wanna dig it up, Angst, Angst and Feels, Best Friends, But not a complete asshole, Crying, Edd doesn't wanna lose any of his friends, Edd is a saint, Edd loves every single one of his friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Everyone Deserves A Second Chance, Family, Fear of Death, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, He doesn't wanna be a bother to anyone, He's got a soft spot somewhere, How Do I Tag, I love him, I should leave now, Including Tord, It's just buried deep, Just pure brotherhood and Friendship, Never does, No pairings - Freeform, Original Character(s), Paul and Patryck are such dads, Poor Tom, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Commie has such a loving family, They deserve to be happy for once, They keep Tord from going off the deep end, Tom somewhat cares for Tord, Tord Is an Idiot, Tord can be selfish sometimes, Tord doesn't deserve this, Tord doesn't realize how much he is loved, Tord hates himself, Tord is adorable, Tord is an asshole sometimes, Well except Paul & Patryck, but you know what i mean, bye, fight me, he puts up with so much, i love these boys, poor edd, poor matt, poor tord, very deep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-25 07:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireLuna8768610/pseuds/SapphireLuna8768610
Summary: What's the whole point of going on if there's nothing to live for? If your guilt keeps haunting you, if your past keeps torturing you? What's the point if the few people you actually care about hate you, and for a good reason, too? There isn't one. (Suicidal! Tord. No Pairings. Later contains graphic scenes, don't read if you are sensitive to self harm and suicide attempts)





	1. Dead Inside

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. I just wanted to say real quick, please don't ever do this. Whether you believe it or not, you are and always will be loved by someone out there. Everyone always deserves a second chance. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Move on. 
> 
> Please call a suicide hotline if you need help. If you're sensitive and not stable, please don't read this. Get help first. I don't want to encourage any of this. Remember, you are all very unique people and you are here for a reason. Thank you. :)

Tord laid on his back on his bed, eyes closed as his mind drifted. Different images flashed inside his head. The image of him falling down in the giant robot. The hot blood. Painful injuries. Tom's hatred. Matt's fear. Edd's tears. Paul's shock. Patryk's concern. The last hateful look he saw before he joined his two soldiers.

The Norwegian finally shot up, a scream stuck in his throat and eyes burning. Shaky and heavy breaths escaped him as it took him a minute to realize he was dreaming it all.

A shock of pain flooded him as he gripped at his arm. If it was a dream, why did it feel _so_ real? Why did it feel like he was reliving his dirty past?

Tord felt his eyes burn some more as he gradually remembered how he got accepted back in the first place.

_Tord averted his gaze away as Edd stood in the doorway, staring at him with a stunned expression. "Tord?" he breathed._

_Tord slowly met his gaze as he gripped at his crippled arm. "Hello, o-Edd." he quickly cut himself off. He didn't deserve to call Edd a friend. Not his friend. Not after all that's happened._

_"Oh my God..I thought you were dead!" He heard Edd exclaim and in the next minute his eyes widened, letting out a small grunt as the green clad threw himself at him, nearly knocking him off balance and onto the doorstep. "I can't believe it! It's really you!"_

_Tord bit back a hiss of pain, swallowing and awkwardly standing there. "Y-Yeah..it's me." he said, not knowing what else to say._

_Edd squeezed him tighter. "How are you alive?"_

_"It's...a long story." Tord muttered and flinched as Edd squeezed impossibly tighter. "E-Easy, Edd." he snickered quietly, awkwardly patting his shoulder with his non-injured hand._

_"Sorry.." Edd sheepishly apologized as he pulled away and Tord could have sworn he saw him wipe away a tear. Edd sighed. "Look..it's raining and cold outside. Come in. Let's talk." He stated and grabbed Tord's hand and started to lead him in, but stopped and frowned when he felt Tord resist. He turned back to him. "Tord..?"  
_

_Tord swallowed. "Edd..I don't think that's a very good idea."_

_"Tord, I get that you're scared. But you can't expect to redeem yourself if you keep running away from your fears and troubles, right? I forgive you, but it's going to take you a long time to earn my trust and respect back, same thing with Matt and most likely possibly longer with Tom. You can't just give up because it's hard. Right?"_

_Tord sighed heavily and withdrew, nodding mutely._

_"Good. C'mon, let's go."_

Tord sighed. He forgot why he even bothered coming back in the first place. He knew he wasn't forgiven, no matter how much Edd made it look like he was. None of them cared about him. They only pretended to. They only made it look like they did just to make him feel comfortable and safe. They couldn't stand him. They hated him. Yet again, he didn't blame them at all. He understood.

He felt some tears streak his cheeks and he gritted his teeth. Then why did it hurt so damn bad? If he understood, why did every single day feel like hell? Maybe it was because of his guilt. Which he and others would agree that he _should_ feel guilty. Why shouldn't he? He tried to take over the world, killed a civilian, nearly killed Edd, Tom and Matt.

A sob involuntarily escaped him as he covered his face with one hand, choking on sobs. It hurt so bad, but he deserved it. He deserved everything that was coming to him. The pain. The guilt. Their hatred, fear, mistrust. All of it.

He didn't even know why he was trying. He would never be able to redeem himself, so why brother? He questioned himself on why he even _thought_ it would be possible, because it _wasn't_.

While he was away on his trip, he had plenty of chances to go back on what he was about to do. Plenty of opportunities to forget it. Plenty of chances to just drop everything, decide something else and go back home to be with his friends.

Except he _didn't_. He _thought_ about it, but he didn't. And Tord _hated_ himself for that.

Again, this was what he deserved. To be disliked and hated. He deserved this. But it still hurt regardless.

Tord swallowed thickly. There were obvious tear stains on his cheeks, but he figured his friends wouldn't notice. Why would they? They hated him, and Tord with all honestly did not blame them one bit. Crud, he didn't even have the right to call them friends. He lost that right a _long_ time ago. The minute he set foot in that monstrous robot, he threw it all away, and for what? For power? Popularity? Dignity? In the end he got none of that, but at this point he didn't care. He traded in everlasting friendship for power. He snorted in spite of himself. Thinking it, it sounded even more stupid and made him more ashamed.

Who even _does_ that? Only selfish, egotistical people who are absolute megalomaniacs. Thats what he was. A selfish, stupid megalomaniac who sacrificed his friends for a little dominance, a little power. In the end it screwed him. Was it worth it? No. Not one bit. If he could go back and change it, he would in a heartbeat. He didn't know what he was thinking. He wasn't. That was the thing. All he could see was him obtaining that power and the world bowing down to him. Not the mistrust of Matt, not the hurt of Edd, not the anger of Tom. Just power. He encountered once in a lifetime true friends, and he threw them away like the dolt he was.

Tord would never admit it to their faces, but he had come to actually care about Edd and the others. Which was _rare_ , especially for _him_. He had actually learned to... _love_ them like... _family_ basically. Something he never thought would be possible. He guessed it was because he enjoyed being around them, and they were people who actually _cared_.

But he didn't deserve them. Even before this, he knew he didn't. People like _him_ don't deserve friends like _them_. In fact, he didn't deserve friends _at_ _all_. It just...doesn't work with him. He just doesn't deserve them, especially now. He couldn't understand why they liked him in the first place. Why Edd would affectionately throw his arms around him in a hug, why Matt enjoyed hanging with him so damn much, why even Tom liked to joke around with him here and there despite his and Tom's differences. _Why_? What was so special about him? He didn't get it. He supposed in a way, he never will, especially after what happened.

Friendship just doesn't mix with Tord. Never did. He doesn't know how to deal with it. The closeness, the affection. Especially from Edd. Still, it had been nice. He liked the small bud of warmth that grew in his heart for the first time in years when Edd hugged him, even if it was just for a moment. It had been fun. He had enjoyed this, he had missed this. Alas it wasn't enough. The way Edd forgave so easily wasn't enough. He knew that deep down despite forgiving him, Edd still couldn't stand him. Neither could Matt, and obviously not Tom.

Tord sniffled slightly. His hand suddenly itched for something besides a gun. Something sharp. He opened his door and trudged down the stairs. Tord peeked around the corner of the wall. Edd, Tom and Matt were sitting on the couch, watching TV. This was fine. They wouldn't notice.

The brunette walked into the kitchen silently and rummaged through one of the drawers as quietly as he could. He finally found what he was looking for and stashed it in one of the pockets of his hoodie.

Tord then walked out of the kitchen and tried to walk back upstairs, but a voice stopped him.

"What're _you_ doing down here?" Tom questioned him with narrowed eyes; Tord flinched violently. The red clad gradually turned around and Tom froze, raising a brow with a small frown. "Um..have you been crying, commie?" He questioned, causing Edd and Matt to turn around as well this time with frowns.

"What? N-No, 'course not." Tord quickly lied. "I-I just.." he trailed off and sighed, unable to come up with a good excuse. "It's nothing, alright? Nothing you should be concerned about anyways. I'm fine." He stated, averting his gaze.

"You don't look fine," Matt piped. "You look awful."

"Wow..thanks, Matt."

"Tord.." Edd swallowed. "Are you sure you're fine?"

Tord rolled his eyes slightly. "'M positive, Edd." _No I'm not, but I can't tell you that._

Edd glared at him. "Promise!"

Tord sighed, not wanting to deal with this right now. "Edd, seriously..-"

"I _said_ promise!" Edd demanded, startling him.

"Okay, okay" Tord uttered, holding up his hand as if he were saying an oath. "I promise I'm fine. Damn. Can you let me go now?"

Edd nodded and Tord stuck his hands in his pockets, walking back upstairs.

The trio returned their attention forward.

"He was _definitely_ lying." Matt stated.

" _Pfft_. _Totally_." Tom snorted.

" _Absolutely_ lying." Edd nodded. "We're seeing what's up after the next episode ends."


	2. Traitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord hesitated as he put the blade against his wrist. /Just do it already./ His mind told him. /They'll be better off without you anyways./

In Tord's room, he shut and locked the door behind him once he was inside. He turned his light on and went to go sit on his bed. The Norwegian pulled out what he had stashed earlier in his pocket from the kitchen; a sharp knife.

Tord stared at the knife for a few moments. The events from the incident continued to replay in his mind over and over for him. _You're_ _pathetic_... His mind told him. _A_ _dirty_ , _pathetic_ _traitor_ _is_ _what_ _you_ _are_.. _just_ _do_ _it_ _already_. _They'd_ _be_ _better_ _off_ _without_ _you_ _anyways_.

The red clad exhaled and put the blade to his wrist before proceeding to cut. He jabbed the knife in deep, biting back a curse and a hiss of pain. A red river already started flowing down his right arm. He felt kind of nauseous just looking at it.

He looked at his left and figured that it was already screwed up due to the explosion, but he didn't care. He took off the gauze that Edd had applied when he first came here. He jabbed the knife in, successfully re-opening the wound. Tears started to prick his eyes, it hurt so bad this time. He blinked them back and gazed at his bloody arms. He felt slightly lightheaded.

A knock at his room door caused him to jump, startled, followed by the jingling of his door knob.

"Tord? Is everything okay? Why's your door locked?" It was Edd from the other side, sounding a little beyond worried.

"U-Umm..one minute, Edd!" Tord hurriedly exclaimed. He looked down at his arms and rolled his sleeves down over, successfully hiding the fresh wounds. He quickly tried to look for a hiding spot for the knife since he knew he didn't have the time to clean it off. Under the bed was too obvious. Under his pillow wasn't any better, but it was the best he could think of as of right now. Besides, he could find a new hiding spot later.

After quickly hiding the knife, he went over to the door, unlocking and opening it to meet the face of a worried Edd, along with Matt and Tom beside him.

"H-Hello, Edd. Do you..need something?" Tord asked, putting on a fake smile.

"You seemed a little down in there," Edd pointed out. "You okay?"

Tord flashed him one of his grins. "Of course I am! Don't worry, Edd!"

"But-" Edd started, but was cut off by Tom placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, if the commie says he's fine, he's fine." Tom stated, sending Tord a glare.

Tord swallowed thickly and averted his gaze away.

"O-Okay. W-Well, do you wanna come watch Insane Pirate Zombies from Hell five with us?" Edd offered with a small smile.

"Pssh. Don't bother inviting him. The commie probably has better stuff to do anyways." Tom snorted.

"Tom!" Edd hissed at him with a glare. "Knock it off! Quit being so rude!"

"What? I'm just saying-"

"Well don't say! You don't talk like that after I invite-"

"No, no," Tord cut them off with a nervous chuckle, ignoring the hurt burning in his heart. "He's...he's right. Actually Edd, I've got some work to catch up on. I think I have to pass this time. I'm gonna go to bed afterwards, so I'll see you tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" Edd mumbled, taking a step closer to him.

"Sure I am."

Edd sighed. "Alright..see you tomorrow."

Tord gave him another smile. Matt and Tom were beginning to walk off, and Edd turned to follow them. Tord's door was nearly shut when he walked back over. Tord frowned, opening back up slightly.

"Need something else, Edd?" He questioned.

Edd merely mutely stepped forward and hugged the red clad tightly. Tord's eyes widened, startled. After a few moments of hesitance, Tord reached over and wrapped one arm around him awkwardly, the other hand stuffed in his pocket. A few more moments passed before Edd pulled away. He finally gave Tord a small smile that the red clad returned before walking off.

Tord let out a heavy sigh and shut his door, locking it once more.


	3. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "T-Tord?" Matt choked out, looking and sounding horrified at the scene before him.
> 
> Shit.

The next morning, Tom and Matt woke up to the smell of waffles. The duo walked into the kitchen and saw Edd making a few huge waffles, some sausage and bacon.

"Hi, Edd." Matt greeted with a smile.

"Oh. Hi guys." Edd turned and grinned at them. "You guys are up early."

"The smell woke us up." Tom stated. "What's with all this food?"

Edd shrugged with a small smile. "I figured it's time for us to do something different besides just cereal for once. Besides, you both love waffles, don't you?"

Tom and Matt nodded with grins. "Great! Go sit down and I'll serve you some."

Matt and Tom went over to the table and sat down. Matt abruptly frowned when he saw the chair beside him that Tord usually filled empty. "Hey Edd," Matt said as he turned around. "Where's Todd?"

" _Tord_ , Matt. And...I don't know." Edd looked up at the clock. "It's 9:00. Tord's usually up before any of us at like 5 or maybe earlier."

"Are you suggesting the commie slept in?" Tom muttered with a raised brow.

"If he did, that's weird. It's not like him at all. Tord never sleeps in." Edd replied, and Tom and Matt could already see the growing concern on their friend's face.

"I hope he's okay." Matt frowned.

"I hope he is too. He's been acting weird every since yesterday. First shutting himself off from the rest of us and now sleeping in for like four hours?" he turned to Tom. "Tom, you gotta _at_ _least_ admit it was weird how Tord refused to watch Insane Pirate Zombies from Hell with us."

"Of course it's weird." Tom snorted, folding his arms. "The commie's a complete _fanatic_ of that series."

" _Exactly_! That's what I'm saying." Edd said, exasperated. He looked back up at the clock that already read 9:07. "..I'm worried. Tord's never acted like this before." he murmured.

"He probably just overworked himself and passed out, Edd." Tom uttered. "There's always _somewhat_ of a logical explanation to the commie's weirdness."

"Yeah, I guess so..." Edd mumbled as he set the plates in front of Matt and Tom, set out his own before sitting down at the right of Matt and across from Tom.

An awkward silence hung between the trio. Matt and Tom gradually ate whilst Edd merely gazed down at his plate, poking at his food with his fork and not eating any of it. This usually happened whenever Edd had so much on his mind he couldn't eat. In this case Edd couldn't stop worrying over Tord.

This went on for a few more minutes before Tom finally gave an annoyed sigh, grabbing both his and Matt's attention. "Edd, if you're so worried about the damn commie, why don't you go check on him?"

"I already did." Edd muttered. "I don't wanna seem nosy or intrusive or anything." he gave Tom a pleading look. "Can you do it for me, Tom? Please?"

Tom groaned. "Ugh. Why _me_?"

"It's not like you have to start a big conversation with him or anything. Just go check on him, see if he's okay and tell him that breakfast is ready. Please Tom, I'm starting to get really worried."

Tom growled, getting up. "Fine." he let out a sigh and walked away from them.

The blue clad man made his way to Tord's room. He reached out and jingled the doorknob, but of course the door was locked. Tom frowned. Since when did the Commie start locking his door? He usually always kept it either open or closed, but never locked including when he went to bed at night.

Either way, this was no problem for Tom. He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a lock pick. He was grateful that he always kept one or two on hand despite figuring he'd never need it.

Tom jiggled the pick around in the lock for a bit until he abruptly heard a small _click_ after a few moments, indicating that the door was now unlocked. He put the pick away and gradually pushed open the door.

The lights were off as expected. The room was a mess, but that was expected as well. Tord's room was _always_ a mess. Tom could see through the darkness a lump under the blanket, and spiky brown hair horns sticking out from the top. Definitely Tord.

Tom approached Tord and pulled the blanket off slightly. Tord's expression was a slightly peaceful one, chest rising and falling steadily and slowly as heavy audible breaths escaped him, indicating that he was in fact still asleep, and proving Tom's theory correct that the commie probably just overworked himself again. Tom frowned, noticing that Tord's hoodie was still on, which was kind of weird. Tord _always_ , like the others, took his hoodie off and slung it over one of the chairs in his room before going to sleep.

The brunette shook off the confusion and returned to the task at hand. He thought about just letting him sleep, but quickly remembered that Edd had ordered him to tell Tord to come down for breakfast.

Tom reached out and shook Tord hard, feeling the Norwegian flinch and wake up.

"Out..." Tord mumbled and buried his face in his pillow, not caring who it was.

"Get up, commie. Stop being such a pussy and laying in bed all day." Came Tom's voice.

"Go screw yourself, Tom. Get out of my room..." Tord muttered, not in the mood.

Tom abruptly smirked. He reached out and yanked the whole blanket off of Tord, ignoring Tord's yelp and how he shot up, protesting and cussing him out. Tom then switched on the lights, causing Tord to let out a small hiss as he was blinded momentarily, arms flying to cover his eyes.

"Fuck you..." Tord mumbled once he recovered.

Tom resisted the urge to say something snarky in return. "You're starting to worry Edd. Get downstairs and come and eat breakfast." he uttered with narrowed eyes.

Tord snorted, rolling his eyes. "I'll be down in a minute. Just get out."

Tom sent a glare his way. "You better not be planning anything. Because if you hurt them again, I'll make you suffer so bad you'll wish you never came back." he growled before throwing the blanket on the ground and exiting his room.

Tord rolled his eyes slightly as he rolled his sleeves up, gazing at his once cuts that were now scars. "..Don't worry," he mumbled. "Soon nobody will have to think or worry about me hurting anyone anymore." he let out a heavy sigh and got out of bed, leaving his room and shutting the door behind him.

Edd was still poking at his food when Tom came downstairs. Edd smiled hopefully at him. "Is he okay?"

Tom shrugged. "He was acting a little weird, but I'm pretty sure he's fine."

Edd's smile fell. "Weird? Like how?"

"Well..-" Tom abruptly cut himself off when he heard slow footsteps behind him and turned to see Tord approaching them, his hood pulled up and hands stuffed in his pockets, gazing at the ground.

Edd, Matt and even Tom shared uneasy glances.

"T-Tord!" Edd said cheerfully, putting on a smile as he walked toward and stopped in front of Tord. "Hey! I made lots of waffles and everything! Come on and sit down. They're not gonna finish themselves."

Tord sighed heavily, refusing to meet any of their eyes. "T-That's alright, Edd. I'm not hungry." he lied, ignoring his quietly growling stomach.

Edd's grin fell and he shared another uneasy glance with the other two before looking back at Tord. "A-Are you sure, Tord? I made your favorites.."

"That's okay. Sorry, 'M just not hungry right now. Maybe later." He said again, voice chillingly colorless. Before waiting for another response, he went over and sat on the couch before turning on the TV and staring at the screen.

Edd leaned toward his two friends in a whisper. "Okay, I'm _really_ worried now." he stated with an anxious frown.

Tom couldn't help but send a concerned frown Tord's way. Shit, even _he_ was worried about the commie now.

"Why is he acting so weird?" Matt sighed.

"I really wish I knew." Edd riposted as they went into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and swallowed thickly with a frown once he realized that all the cola was gone and they were low on food.

Edd shut the fridge and turned to his friends. "Look, I gotta head to the store and buy a few things. Tom, you're coming with me." Edd then looked at Matt. "Matt, look after Tord while we're gone, okay? Don't let him do anything stupid."

"Okay." Matt said with an uneasy frown. "Don't take too long."

Edd nodded. He understood that Matt felt uncomfortable around Tord in his state. He did too. "Don't worry. We'll be back before you know it. Come on, Tom."

Edd and Tom left the house through the front door, shutting it behind them.

Matt swallowed thickly and looked toward Tord. He sighed before walking over and sitting beside the Norwegian. "Hi Tord," he greeted. "Mind if I watch TV with you?"

Tord shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure." he mumbled, handing Matt the remote as he didn't care what channel. He nearly smiled as Matt's face lit up, looking childishly happy.

A few minutes later, Matt had finally found a channel he enjoyed and was laughing at was on the screen. Tord merely gazed down at his shoes, lost in his thoughts. He abruptly grabbed Matt's shoulder, grabbing his attention. "I'm gonna be right back." he stated, standing up.

"Oh..uh...okay." Matt riposted. "Are you okay, Todd?"

" _Tord_. And yeah, 'm fine. Don't worry. I'll be back in a few."

"..Alright."

Tord walked away from the ginger and down the hall towards his room. He opened his door and walked inside, foolishly forgetting to shut and lock it behind him. The Norwegian sat on his bed and pulled out his knife that now had dried blood on it. Tord swallowed and pulled up his sleeves, gazing at the old scars before finding new areas and placing the knife against those, beginning to cut.

_Worthless. Pathetic. Useless. Just die already. Nobody wants a traitor like you in their lives._

Tord's dark thoughts became louder and louder as he continued to slash and cut. They became so loud, he didn't hear the voice calling out his name. He didn't hear that same voice inching closer and closer to his room until it was too late.

"Hey Tord, have you seen my mir-"

Tord jumped and froze. He gradually turned to see Matt in his doorway, expression aghast. He saw Matt gaze at his old scars, to his new scars, to the fresh blood dripping off his knife, to him. "Ror..." Matt finished quietly as horror and terror filled him.

"T-Tord?" Matt choked out, sounding and looking terrified at the scene before him.

_Shit._


	4. Don't Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Matt.." Tord swallowed, sounding oddly calm. "This isn't what it looks like."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! Thank you so much for the kudos so far! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Here's the next chapter!

Tord and Matt stared at each other, minutes passing by. It was as if time itself stopped. It seemed like forever until Tord spoke up.

"Matt.." he uttered, sounding a little too calm. "This isn't what it looks like.."

"This isn't what it looks like?!" Matt exclaimed in horror, gazing at Tord's scars and cuts. He felt like he was gonna throw up. "Tord, you're bleeding! Th-There's so much blood...oh my God..." he walked closer to the Norwegian _._

"H-How long have you been doing this?" he questioned apprehensively.

Tord didn't answer, averting his gaze away from the ginger.

Matt shook slightly. "I-I have to go call Edd!" he choked and turned to sprint out of the room, but was roughly pulled back by the arm by Tord.

" _No_! Matt, you _can't_ tell Edd! Or Tom! Or _anyone_!" Tord exclaimed sternly.

"I have to tell _someone_!" Matt insisted, yanking his arm away. "Tord, you're bleeding out! If Edd doesn't tend to your wounds soon, you'll die!"

"I don't care!" Tord growled. "You just can't okay?!"

"What, do you want me to keep it a secret?" Matt questioned him and without waiting for an answer, continued. "Tord, if I kept a secret like that it would break Edd! Actually no, scratch that! It'll _break_ him if he found out you were keeping something this serious from him, and you know that!"

Tord groaned, looking away. He was beginning to feel lightheaded quickly.

"Todd," Matt whimpered, reaching out and touching his shoulder. "Please..."

" _Tord_ ," Tord corrected in a mumble, shrugging his hand off roughly causing Matt to flinch.

Not knowning what else to do, Matt began to turn on his heel to leave the room, but quickly remembered that he shouldn't leave Tord alone in his state.

Matt reached out and grabbed him, pulling him off the bed. Tord mutely allowed himself to be pulled into the kitchen as Matt pulled out the First Aid before going into the living room, gently pushing Tord onto the couch. Matt got out some gauze. This was Edd's specialty, not his but he had to try.

Matt pulled out his phone with his other hand and desparately dialed Edd's number, leaning his head down on his shoulder to keep his phone there whilst uneasily wrapping some gauze around one of Tord's arms.

In the store, Edd was steering the cart, Tom walking beside him. The green clad abruptly stopped with a frown. "I hope Matt's holding up with Tord okay."

"Both of them are fine," Tom assured gruffly. "You worry too much."

"I guess you're right." Edd sighed. His phone started ringing abruptly.

"Huh?" Edd mumbled in confusion and took it out of his pocket, gazing at the screen.

"It's Matt." he informed Tom.

"See? He's probably calling to tell you that the commie's feeling better." Tom stated with a smug grin, folding his arms across his chest.

"Y-Yeah. Maybe." Edd replied, managing a small smile.

He picked up. "Hey Matt! How're things going with To-"

Tom's grin fell when he saw the look of horror cross Edd's face. Edd gave him an uneasy glance and held onto his phone tightly, both hands shaking.

"O-Okay. Calm down, Matt. We'll be right there. Just don't let him out of your sight, okay? Okay. B-Bye."

When Edd hung up, he looked terribly pale.

Tom gave him a concerned look. "I'm guessing that wasn't a 'good news' call?"

Edd shook his head. He grabbed the cart with one hand and Tom's hand with the other, walking toward the cashier quickly.

"No, it _wasn't_. C'mon, we need to go home. _Now_."

 

* * *

 

Matt smiled at a laughing Tord. After Matt hung up with Edd, he had managed to drag Tord out of his quiet stage by turning on Insane Pirate Zombies from Hell five, the movie Tord didn't get to watch last night because of... _reasons_.

"Oh my God...hahaha..she was so stupid!" Tord laughed.

"She should have just run the other way." Matt agreed, causing Tord to snicker some more.

Matt abruptly frowned, reaching over to the remote and pausing the movie. "Todd?"

" _Tord_ , Matt." Tord sighed with a frown of his own, already knowing what he was going to ask him.

"Why? Why did you do that?" Matt whimpered.

Tord swallowed thickly. "Why not?"

" _What_?" Matt choked. "A-Are you saying that you did it because you wanted to? Because you _could_!?"

"May-" Tord started to reply, but was cut off by the sound of the door opening. The duo turned to see Edd in the doorway, Tom beside him, grocceries in hand.

Tord flinched at Edd's gaze. He couldn't tell if he was angry or upset. Maybe both? Again, he could barely tell. The green clad's expression was basically unreadable.

Edd and Tom entered the living room where Tord and Matt were sitting.

Edd instantly went over to Tord and sat next to him. Tord expected yelling, but Edd merely mutely reached out for one of his arms.

Tord hesitantly held his right out. Edd held it and rolled up the sleeve of the red clad's hoodie. The arm was wrapped up thanks to Matt, but the cuts and re-opened wounds were so deep, they were already bleeding freely through the bandages quickly.

Edd let out a small gasp. Matt looked like he felt nauseated looking at them. Tom, who was standing by Matt, looked bewildered beyond comprehension. How long had the stupid commie been doing this? When did he start? How had any of them missed it?

Edd's slightly shaky voice broke him out of his thoughts. "T-Tom, can you go grab me some extra gauze from the other kit in the bathroom? This was the last of the gauze in the other kit, and I really have to change these bandages."

"Sure." Tom replied with an uneasy look before exiting the room to get the gauze.

Edd glanced at Matt. "Matt, go look for your mirror. I don't want you to see this." he ordered flatly, knowing Matt's sensitivity to these kinds of things.

"But..will he be okay?" Matt whimpered.

Tord flinched. He actually _cared_? _Why?_ He _shouldn't._

"He'll be fine, Matt. No worries." Edd said and gave him a fake reassuring smile.

"Okay." Matt mumbled and left the room just as Tom came back in with the fresh gauze.

"Thanks Tom." Edd said, taking the fresh gauze from him. "Hey, can you do me a favor and go help Matt find his mirror, and then stay with him for a while afterwards?"

"What?" Tom blinked. "But Edd-"

"Tom," Edd cut him off. He gave Tom a pleading look that Tord missed due to avoiding looking at any of them. "Please.."

Tom sighed, giving in. "Fine." he grumbled. "We'll be somewhere in the house if you need us." he walked off.

Edd looked back down and started at the end, gradually beginning to pull the old bandage off. Warm blood instantly began streaking and trailing down Tord's arm. Blinking back warm tears, Edd got up and went into the kitchen and grabbed a cloth, wetting it in the sink with shaking hands.

He came back out and sat back down next to Tord. Edd gripped Tord's arm again, wiping the blood off and pressing it to his wounds, holding it there. Tord let out a small hiss, flinching. Edd sent him a small apologetic glance. Tord swallowed and looked down.

He frowned, noticing how Edd's hands were shaking uncontrollably, and soon also noticed that Edd himself was shaking, biting down on his lip with tear-filled eyes.

"You _said_ you were fine," Edd finally bit out and met eyes with Tord. His expression was actually readable this time despite the tears; it was anger. "Y-You said you _were_ , Tord. You _promised._ You promised that you were _fine,_ that we had nothing to worry about. And we- _I_ believed you. But I go out to the store with Tom for _fifteen_ minutes, and I get a call from Matt that you were _cutting yourself._ How is _that fine_!?"

Tord looked away as Edd shakily pulled out some gauze and began applying it to his arm.

"It _isn't_ fine," Tord mumbled.

" _Exactly!_ " Edd choked, ripping the roll of gauze away from the gauze applied to Tord's arm. He put the gauze down and rested his hands on Tord's shoulders.

"Tord, how long have you been doing this?" he questioned desparately.

Tord looked away mutely.

"Tord, please, I have to know...don't shut me out... _please_ Tord..." Edd begged.

Tord sighed. "Only since last night. Not that long at all."

Part of Edd looked relieved while the other half still looked unconvinced and apprehensive.

Edd sniffled and wiped away his tears before finishing wrapping up Tord's right arm and going to his left.

"Tord, you have to stop doing this. It's dangerous." Edd swallowed.

Tord quietly sat there as Edd finished mending his cuts.

Edd turned to him. "You won't do this anymore, right? No more stupid stuff?"

Tord managed a small grin, gesturing with his hand to his face. "If by stupid stuff, you mean me burning the other half of my face and burning my other arm, I'm good." he quipped.

 

Edd let out a watery laugh, wrapping his arms around the Norwegian tightly and nuzzling his face in his neck. "You are the worst." he sniffled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...I'm not sure if Tord's gonna be able to stop doing what he's doing, Edd...
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed! :)


	5. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord sighed heavily. 
> 
> There was no need for him to be here. Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! :P
> 
> Whaddya know, I was actually not lazy for once and decided to update!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one!

_Tord sat in his office in his base, clicking his pen repeatedly as he gazed down at some of his paperwork. He carefully looked over each one and signed, putting them in a "signed pile"._

_Tord held his breath as he finally came across the blueprints. The blueprints for the robot. The robot that was back at home with his friends._

_The Norwegian sighed heavily, staring at a picture frame of him and his friends together. Edd must have slipped it in his suitcase despite him claiming he wouldn't be gone long enough to start feeling lonely and missing them like crazy._

_He wasn't exactly lonely, but he was starting to miss them. Edd's affection, Matt's idiotic goofiness, hell he even missed making fun of and annoying the shit out of Tom._

_He wondered if his friends were missing him too. Edd for sure was, considering the way he clung to Tord in a final hug before he left._

_All of this had him thinking as he looked back to his blueprints and to his friends back and forward. Was this really worth it? Edd and the others didn't know what Tord was. They didn't know anything about his career field, as he never really bothered to bring it up and when one of them brought it up the conversation never lasted long before they moved to a different topic, therefore they were most likely certain that Tord didn't have a career at all._

_Except he did, they just didn't know. How do you explain to your friends that you're the general, the "Red Leader" of the "Red Army" who wants world domination? That question's been bugging Tord lately, but he already knew the answer._

_You don't. Tord just knew that if he told any of his friends, especially Tom who was more of a rival and enemy instead of a friend, they would instantly disown and leave him without a second thought._

_Tord didn't want that happening, at least not yet. They would find out eventually, he knew they would. Truth is, he wanted them to. He was tired of putting on this act and hiding things from them. So yes, Tord knew they would find out and leave him eventually, he just wasn't ready as of right now._

_After all, Edd and the others were the first few people to actually care about him in a long time. He just wants to enjoy it for a bit longer before it's gone._

_"Tord?"_

_"Red Leader?"_

_Said man looked up to see Patryk and Paul in his office. He straightened up. "Evening, soldiers. Is there something you need?"_

_"We're going to pack it in for the night, boss." Patryck informed him. "We suggest that you do the same. You look like you're about to pass out."_

  _"Fine." Tord mumbled. "I'll head to bed in a few minutes. Have a nice night, Paul, Patryck."_

_"You too, sir." Paul replied and the duo exited his office._

_Tord sighed and looked back at the picture of his friends, the same question from earlier flashing in his mind. He felt a strong current of drowsiness wash over him and he groaned, running a hand over his face. He would worry about that later. Right now he would just focus on the present, one step at a time. He only hoped he wouldn't have to hurt his friends._

_He ignored the uncomfortable feeling that he would hurt them in the end as he got up and walked out of his office._

* * *

Tord sat on the couch, staring blankly ahead. The red clad glanced at the clock. 7:05 a.m. His friends would be up in 25 more minutes. 

The Norwegian had tried. Tried getting over his guilt, tried getting over his dirty past. But it seemed like the harder he tried, the more and more difficult it was to do so. 

All he does is hurt people. It doesn't matter where he is or what he does, all he does is hurt. He's done it since the very beginning. 

When Tord first came back a few months ago during the robot incident, his plan was to just get in, stay one or two days, grab his robot and get out. Leave a note that he left again, let Edd & the others be upset. It would have been easier that way. 

But no, the opposite just had to happen. Instead of staying for just a few days, he stayed a month, causing harm, especially to Tom which he could now admit to himself that he hadn't intended on hurting the fuckface when he came back. 

Tord loved to annoy him, pick on him, make fun of him, but it came to hurting him it was never intentional. He could now understand how Tom felt when he came back. He felt hurt because Tord was basically ripping Edd & Matt away from him, and he felt like Edd chose Tord over him to boot. Tord couldn't help the painful guilt growing in his heart. If the roles were switched, he was almost certain he'd feel the same way. 

Tord sighed heavily. All he was is a nuisance. Nothing but a waste of space. Most importantly, a dirty traitor.

There was no need for him to be here. Not anymore.

Tord rummaged through his hoodie pocket and pulled out his knife. He glanced at the clock again. 7:15. 

The red clad got up and went into his room and pulled out a sheet of paper, beginning to write. 

*I'm sorry, Edd. I just don't belong here. All I do is make mistakes, screw things up and hurt everyone. Thank you for believing in me, but I just can't. I'm sorry. Goodbye.*

-Tord 

(RP)

Tord swallowed thickly, walking back into the kitchen and placing it on the counter where Edd was sure to see it. 

The Norwegian glanced at the clock a final time. 7:25. He sighed again and pulled his hood up, opening the front door and shutting it as he left the house. 

It only took him 2 minutes at most to reach the park. Tord looked around. The park was vacant. Nobody started going here until about 9:30, 10:00 at the latest, therefore nobody was around. Good. Tord didn't want anyone to see this. 

The commie spotted the highest tree in the park and walked over to it. Grunting, he began climbing up it. 

A small yelp escaped him as he shakily balanced on the highest branch. 

The brunette inhaled and exhaled deeply. Swallowing, Tord pulled his knife back out of his pocket. Closing his eyes, Tord held his breath and plunged the knife deep into his chest. 

A sob of pain escaped Tord and he choked and struggled. Gradually, Tord's hands fell from gripping the knife and his eyes began to droop, vision tunneling. The Norwegian man swayed from side to side shakily on the branch until finally, he fell down. 

* * *

 Edd yawned sleepily, running his hand through his hair as he walked out of his room. Tord's open door caught his eye and he smiled. 

The green clad popped his head in and grinned cheerfully. "Good morning, To-" Edd abruptly cut himself off with a frown, noticing the empty bed. "Rd...?" He finished, perplexed. 

Edd wandered the house, calling for Tord, voice increasing in volume as he grew more and more worried. 

"Hey Edd?" Came Matt's drowsy voice from behind him, causing said man to jump in surprise. 

Edd spun around to see a tired-looking Matt and a grumpy-looking Tom.

Edd swallowed. "W-When did you guys get up?"

"Your yelling woke us up." Tom answered bluntly, "Thanks for the wake-up call, by the way. No alarm's better than yours." 

"S-Sorry.." Edd apologized sheepishly, looking distracted. 

Matt frowned at his worried expression. "Is something wrong, Edd?"

"I'm worried about Tord. I can't find him anywhere." Replied a distraught Edd.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Calm down, Edd. That stupid commie's gotta be  _somewhere_. We'll help you look if it makes you feel better." 

"No Tom, when I say I looked everywhere I mean  _everywhere_. He's not in the house!" Edd choked, beginning to panic.

"Okay, just calm down. The dumbass probably just went out for a walk or something." Tom soothed gently, resting his hands on Edd's shaking shoulders.

Matt frowned worriedly. He glanced around, eyes widening when he noticed a small folded up piece of paper on the counter.

He walked over and grabbed it. "Edd," he said, grabbing the duo's attention. "Come check this out. I think it's for you." 

"From Tord...?" Edd questioned out loud before walking over with Tom and taking the small paper from Matt, beginning to read mentally.

In a matter of seconds, Edd's eyes were wide with horror and tear-filled, and he broke into full-on broken sobs, falling to his knees and dropping the piece of paper in the process. 

Matt and Tom were alarmed by his actions.

"Edd! Edd, what is it!?" Matt demanded in concern. 

Edd merely shook his head and sobbed harder. "J-Just... *hic* j-just  _read_ it.." he gasped out. 

Exchanging uneasy gazes, Matt picked it up and he and Tom read it together. When they were done, they both wore horrified grimaces. 

"H-He w- _wouldn't_..." Matt choked.

"I think h-he  _w-would_.." Edd sniffled.

"Hold on," Tom uttered out loud. He moved close to the duo, pointing at an area on the paper. "Guys, check it out. What's  _this_ mean?" 

"That's his name, Tom." Matt said bluntly. 

"No Matt, not his name." Tom glared. " _Below_ his name." 

Edd sniffled again, taking it and gazing closer at it.

(RP)

"What's it mean, Edd?" Matt questioned.

Edd cocked a brow. "It stands for the name of the park around the corner; Rosevine Park.." he informed. "But why would Tord..." he trailed off, eyes abruptly widening. 

He looked at his friends. "I know where Tord is. Let's go." He choked out. 

* * *

 "Are you sure he's  _here_?" Tom frowned once they arrived at the park. It was 7:40, so the place was still very vacant. 

"Yes," Edd answered. "He's  _gotta_ be. C'mon, let's look around." 

Tom and Matt followed Edd as he searched around. 

Matt looked at Tom. "Tom, I'm scared. What if Tord really went through with it? I've got a  _really_ bad feeling." he whimpered uneasily.

Tom shook his head and squeezed Matt's shoulder. "Don't think like that. The dumbass is all talk and no action. He knows how much you guys care about him. Tord's selfish, but he's not  _that_ selfish." he stated.

Matt nodded, but he still looked like he felt uneasy. 

The duo watched Edd disappear around the corner of a tree. Matt & Tom jumped when they heard a shrill scream not nearly a minute later. 

The ginger and the brunette rushed over, only to stop dead in their tracks as they gazed in horror at the scene laid out before them. 

Edd clung to a limp Tord, holding the other man in his lap whilst sobbing and trembling violently, Tord's head resting against his chest. There was a bloody wound in Tord's chest that was still bleeding freely. 

Matt finally snapped out of his daze and stepped forward and shakily pressed two fingers against Tord's neck. He gasped and turned to Tom. 

"He's breathing! He's  _still_ breathing! His pulse is weak, but it's still there! Tom, hurry up and call 911!" he ordered. 

 

"Edd.." Matt tried as he knelt next to him while Tom quickly called 911. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Edd...it's okay.."

 

Edd shrugged it off and glared at him through his tears. "A-Are y-you..*hic* s-serious right now, M-Matt!? *hic* I-It's n-not o-okay! T-Tord i-is b-bleeding o-out, h-he l-literally t-tried t-to k-kill h-himself...h-he...*hic* h-he might be...d-dead...*hic* b-before the p-paramedics...*hic* g-get here! H-How i-is a- _any_ o-of t-this o- _okay_!?"

 

Matt froze and felt tears build up in his own eyes. "That's not what I meant, Edd, and you know it. Getting angry for no reason isn't going to help Tord in any way. You can get upset at him later. Right now let's just focus on helping him live."

 

More tears flooded Edd's face and he sobbed harder. "..I'm..*hic* s-sorry..i-it's just..." he trailed off as he sobbed, shoulders heaving. "..I'm scared.." he squeezed out.

Matt sat beside him, feeling tears streak his own face.

 

Tom let out a heavy sigh as he got off the phone. He felt like the next 2 minutes were going to be the longest of his life. 

 

Tom went from watching Edd's shoulders heave with every choked sob and breath to Matt's crying form to the weak and limp Norwegian.

 

He felt numb as a thousand maybes flew through his head. Maybe if he had been nicer to Tord, maybe if he had taken his situation more sseriously, maybe if he had forced him to talk, maybe, maybe, maybe...

 

The sound of a siren snapped him out of his thoughts and he felt like that was instead the  _fastest_ 2 minutes of his life. 

 

The paramedics got out and placed Tord on a stretcher. Edd shakily got to his feet and both Tom and Matt put their arm around him as they climbed into the car and sat beside Tord as the doors shut and they were taken away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before everyone yells at me, "I thought you promised these boys a good ending!"
> 
> I did promise. And spoiler alert, a good ending is coming. I never go back on my promises. 
> 
> The good news is, it's officially gotten as bad as it can get. So now it's going downhill as far as bad things go. 
> 
> I'm tired. Imma go to bed now!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! :P


	6. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank God.." Edd muttered shakily and Matt and Tom felt like they could finally breathe.

Edd sat in between Matt and Tom in the waiting room, still shaking slightly and face tear-stained.

Tom had a book in his hand and appeared to be reading it, but it looked like he was struggling to focus due to obvious reasons. Matt was staring into his mirror sadly.

Edd pulled his knees up to his chest in his chair, burying his face in his arms. Five minutes which felt like forever passed.

"Edd here for Tord?" Came a nurse's voice.

Edd's head shot up with a sharp gasp. He met eyes with his friends and they rushed over to the Nurse behind the counter, abandoning anything they were previously doing.

"Is he okay? Is he alive? He's not dead is he!?" Edd instantly questioned breathlessly as if he had just run a mile. 

The Nurse let out a small giggle. "Calm down, sweetheart. His wound is deep and he has a few injuries, but he's scheduled to make a full recovery!" 

Edd slumped onto the counter, letting out a small sob of relief and Matt & Tom were finally able to breathe. 

"Thank God.." Edd muttered shakily.

The Nurse nodded with a small grin. "Yes. Now, you already signed what I needed you to. However, I do have a small question for you."

Edd smiled wearily. "Sure thing! What is it?"

"By chance, do you know who _Paul_ & _Patryck_ are? Their names are were on your friend's paper to contact if anything happened." 

Edd's smile fell. He cocked a brow, glancing at his friends before looking back at the Nurse. 

"Sorry, I don't know or recognize those names." Edd confessed sheepishly. "If Tord really knows them, he never told us." 

"No problem! I just need to call to let them know. Due to the hit to his head, he's going to be in and out of consciousness for the next few days, considering the painkillers and meds he is and will be taking for a short while. Though, I'll let you see him the minute he wakes up." 

"Thank you." Edd said gratefully and he and his friends walked off. 

**At the Red Army Base...**

Paul puffed out a ring of smoke, chewing on the cigarette between his teeth as he wrapped up a bloody wound on one of the soldiers from battle. 

There was a small line of soldiers for both him and Patryck. He patted his current soldier on the shoulder once he was done for them to go, and they thanked him formally before walking off. The next soldier walked up and he internally flinched, swallowing down his lunch at the sight of so much blood. Despite being a medic, he was quite squeamish at the sight of gore. Patryck, not as much. 

Speaking of Patryck...

"Hey Pat!" Paul called out to his right hand man as he tore off some gauze from a roll. "How ya doin' over there?"

"I'm done." Patryck replied with a smug grin as he walked over. 

Paul glanced at him and snickered as he patted his second to last soldier. "Heh. 'Course ya are." 

"I still wonder to this day how you even survive watching all those gore-filled horror movies with Tord." Patryck smirked with folded arms. 

"Heh. Don't fucking ask." Paul replied, putting his medical supplies away as the last soldier walked off. "Kid's so into it, doesn't even notice me walking out now and then for a smoke." 

"He's not really a kid, Paul." 

Paul raised a brow at him. "Pat, Tord's  _barely_ twenty-three. You and I are both nearly thirty." He pointed out bluntly. 

"You have a point." Patryck smirked softly. "Wouldn't call him that to his face though."

"Shit no!" Paul laughed. "I'd be the next person ta get my head blown off by one of his guns." 

"It's kind of cute though," Patryck admitted with a snicker. "How even though he's younger than half of the Army, he acts like such a tough guy." 

"Yup," Paul snickered as well. "Gotta love him in the end." 

A small pause from Patryck. "I wonder if he's doing alright? He's been gone for a while."

Paul chewed on his cigarette some more and shrugged. "Only been two weeks. I mean, it's _Tord_. If anything happens, he's got his guns." He quipped and nudged Patryck's shoulder with his own, earning a laugh out of his partner. 

Paul suddenly frowned, scratching his chin in thought. "Yeah...didn't he say he was going back to his old home? Something along the lines of 'I have to fix things with them or I'll die trying'?"

"' _Them_ '?" Patryck repeated. 

"He must be referring to his friends. Y'know, the ones who have no clue he's our leader?" 

" _Oh_ _yeah_ ," Patryck breathed in realization. He gave a concerned frown. "In that case, I _strongly_ hope things are going okay. It's not going to be easy earning them back after....you know what happened." 

"Yeah...but he seemed pretty determined. _Desparate_ , even. I just hope it's enough." He shook his head. "Fuck. Even _I_ was shocked on how he went off the rails. If we were just shocked, imagine how his _friends_ felt." 

"They must have felt terrified and betrayed." Patryck muttered. "Angry too, considering Tord hid so much from them. But nevertheless, I'm siding with Red Leader. I can see why he did what he did. Not blowing everything up and killing someone, but hiding everything. I bet he was just scared because he knew or felt like they wouldn't want him anymore. That must be why he's so desparate to get them back in the first place. Before he left two weeks ago, after the robot incident, Boss was acting really depressed. I think he actually really _cares_ about them." 

"At the end of the day," Paul sighed. "He's really just a kid." 

The duo were interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing from inside the office. 

"I'll go get it." Patryck stated and walked off. 

Paul threw his old cigarette away and popped a new one in his mouth, lighting it. 

"Evening, soldier." Came a female voice from behind him. 

Paul turned around. The woman wore a red and blue uniform, a red tank under her buttoned up overcoat and dark black boots. She had caramel brown hair and bright blue eyes. Her hair was down and reached the middle of her back, and she wore black long leather gloves. 

"Good evening, M'am." Paul replied respectfully as she stood in front of him. 

"Where's Pat?" She asked curiously, looking around. 

"He's in the office taking a phone call, Tae." Paul informed. 

Tae smiled. "Oh I see." She then sighed. "Tord ain't back yet, huh?" 

"No." Paul frowned. "We're thinking of taking a trip down there to check on him." 

"That would be helpful. Ya got a cigarette?" 

Paul nodded and pulled the pack out of his coat pocket, handing a cigarette and lighting it for her.

"Thank you, Paul." Tae grinned, patting his shoulder and puffing out a ring of smoke. 

They heard heavy footsteps and they both frowned when they saw Patryck in the doorway of the office. Sweat beaded on the sides of his forehead, his eyes were slightly glossy with what appeared to be tears and he looked terribly pale. Tae and Paul approached him. 

"You look like death," Tae stated, but it was out of concern. She rested her hand on his shoulder. "You alright there, soilder?" 

"T-Tord..." Patryck choked out, swallowing hard. 

Paul frowned, sensing something terrifyingly wrong. " _Tord_? What about Tord? Did something happen to him?! C'mon, Pat! Tell us!" 

"T-Tord...he...he tried to _commit_ _suicide_!" Patryck finally got out, some tears slipping down his face. 

Tae's eyes widned and her hands flew to her mouth with a sharp gasp. Paul stepped back a few feet as if Patryck's news had punched him in the gut. 

"But...he's alive, ain't he?" Tae questioned. 

" _Of_ _course_ he is," Patryck sniffled, wiping away his tears. Paul and Tae let out a large sigh of relief. 

"That settles it then," Paul muttered. "Now we're _definitely_ going down ta check on him." 

"I'm coming with you!" Tae stated. 

"What? M'am, _no_!" Paul uttered, putting his hands on her shoulders. "We understand you're just as worried about Tord as we are, but ya _can't_ leave! Yer the runner up when it comes to being in charge when Tord is away! Who's gonna run this place if _yer_ gone too?" 

Tae shrugged his hands off with a defiant glare. "Look soldier, I'll find someone dependable and trustworthy. Nothing's gonna stop me from seeing Tord. Don't worry about finding someone ta take my place. Just worry 'bout us getting to him." She stated and with that walked away. 

* * *

 Tord groaned weakly, vision blurring as his world slowly came into view. The first thing he saw was a person with a wet, tear-stained face who had small dark rings under their eyes, gazing uncertainly at him. 

"Edd.." he merely mumbled tiredly. 

Said brunette abruptly let out a small sob and leaned forward, pulling the caramel haired into a tight hug, shoulders heaving as he sobbed. 

Tord's eyes widned. He shifted uncomfortably. "Umm, Edd?" 

"Thank _God_ you're alive!" Edd exclaimed tearfully as he pulled away. "Jesus, Tord, what were you thinking!? You could have _died_!" He whimpered hands resting on his shoulders. 

Tord looked away from him for a heartbeat before looking back. "T-That was kind of the _point_ , Edd." He muttered, but he instantly regretted it as he saw an ocean of tears building up in his eyes and he choked. 

"W-What?! Why would you _say_ that!?" He sobbed, shaking violently. 

"Isn't it obvious? I did it for _you_ _guys_ , so you won't have to deal with me hurting or endangering you anymore. So you can be happy, so your life can be less complicated without _me_ in it." 

Edd glared at him. "A-Are you _serious_!?" He hiccuped. "You think...you'd think...you think we'd be _happy_  if you died?! _Happy_ if you _committed_ _suicide_?! Y-You really think _I'd_ be happy?! E-Either y-you've forgotten, or you're j-just braindead, but in case you haven't n-noticed *hic* I-I'm t- _terrified_  o-of losing people I care about! The t-thought i-itself m-makes me f-feel sick! You-You made a terrible mistake, y-yeah b-but that's what w- _we're_ here for! T-To h-help *hic* you g-get through it, *hic* get past it! A-And for the record *hic* I-I already forgave y-you *hic* a-a l-long time ago! E-Everyone else d-did *hic* too! L-Life's a- _always_  been complicated, Tord! You should know that by now! You _dying_  would not m-make Matt's, Tom's and _especially_ not my life any better! If...*hic* If anything you dying would make life t-ten times _worse_.." he bawled. 

The green clad sniffled, wiping at his face only for more tears to flood it. "Y-You're feeling guilty and I _get_ it, but _this_ isn't the way out! You need to _talk_ _to_ _us_ so you can slowly but surely learn to _live_ with it, not try to kill yourself and leave us behind! I'm not saying it's going to be easy, of course it won't be! It's going to take you a while to get over it, hell I won't be surprised if it takes you a _year_ or _more_! Maybe you'll _never_ _totally_ get over it! B-But if you're halfway through, that's _enough_! Please Tord, I-I...I don't wanna lose any of you guys..I e-especially don't wanna lose one of y-you and live k-knowing there w-was something _I_ could've done to prevent it!" 

Tord swallowed. "So...you don't hate me?" He questioned in a mumble. 

Edd glowered at him. "O- _Of_ _course_ I d-don't fucking h- _hate_ you!" He sobbed. "I never did in the damn first place! All I was was _disappointed_! I _didn't_ hate you! I don't hate you, or Tom or Matt! You guys drive me up the wall sometimes, more like _most_ of the time, but I could _never_ hate _any_ of you! I mean, for Cripe's sake, you guys are _all_ _I_ _have_! Which is exactly why I can't understand why you tried to go through with this! I thought you _already_ knew what I'm telling you! Just because I don't tell you doesn't mean it isn't true! You should know that I won't be able to stand myself if anything happened to one of you guys, you should _know_ that! You can't just leave us behind like that, Tord! You can't leave  _me_ behind like that! Why would you _wanna_ put me _through_ that!? I...I..." he trailed off, sobbing. 

Tord gazed at him, dumfounded and unsure of what to do. "E-Edd..." he mumbled. 

Tord tried reaching out to him, but Edd merely shoved his hand away and wormed his way into his arms, burying his face in his chest. 

" _Please_..." Edd squeezed out. "I-I don't wanna go through that...I don't...please..please don't put me through that..." he sobbed into his chest. 

The Norwegian hesitantly wrapped his arms around the other man. "...'M sorry.." he mumbled after a few seconds. "I didn't know. 'M sorry." 

Edd squeezed him tighter. "...Don't leave again..." 

"I'm not going anywhere." 

"Promise you'll stay for good this time.." 

"I promise." Tord swore. 

Edd sobbed impossibly harder, squeezing him even tighter. Tord mutely held him as he cried.

After a few minutes, Edd's sobs died down to soft cries, hiccups and sniffles.

"You.." Edd mumbled into his soaked chest. "You left that RP behind as a clue, didn't you? You knew we'd find you, didn't you?"

"I figured I'd make things easier on you," Tord shrugged. "Didn't want you searching all over crazy for me. Knowing you, you would've searched day in and day out, so I figured it'd be easier on everyone if you knew exactly where I was."

"So you knew you weren't going to really actually die?"

"Knowing you and how fast you are to get emergency services, yes."

"You weren't really leaving?"

"Technically no. I wanted to before, but now not as much."

 "You're such a moron..." Edd let out a weak, muffled laugh. "If you ever scare me and the others like that again, I'm taking your guns away for a month." 

"'M sorry, Edd." Tord apologized again. 

"Just..don't _ever_ do that again, okay?" Edd choked. 

"Okay." 

"Thank you." Edd sniffled, burying his face deeper in his chest. 

"Tord? Hey Tom, he's awake!" 

The duo's attention snapped to Matt and Tom in the doorway, Matt and even Tom wearing relieved grins. 

Tord cleared his throat and managed a tired smile. "Hello, old fri-" 

The Norwegian was cut off and let out a small "oof!" As the duo ran forward and jumped on the bed, wrapping the other two in a tight hug. Edd let out a watery laugh from within Tord's chest. 

"That was a crazy ass dangerous stunt you pulled there, commie." Tom smirked and smacked Tord on the head lightly, earning a snicker out of the red clad. "Never do it again, fuckface." 

"Yeah! We were crazy worried!" Matt agreed whole-heartedly. "Don't do it again! It was scary!" 

"Don't worry Matt," Tord sighed wearily with a small smile. "'M here to stay." 

"For good this time?" Matt asked hopefully. 

"For good this time." 

"YAY!" Matt cheered and squeezed everyone tighter, earning laughs out of Tord and the others. They stayed like that until all of them, including Tord fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I promised y'all some fluff and everything! :3 
> 
> It's not over yet though. FYI, all I'm gonna say is Tae is someone extremely important to Tord but not in a romantic way, and she's pretty crucial, so you might wanna pay close attention to her. 
> 
> Paul and Patryck are coming! Yay!! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! :P


	7. Broken but not Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I-I hate you.." Tord wheezed out. 
> 
> "No you don't. You hate yourself."

_Tord sat criss-cross on the cliff, staring out into the view and watching his friends leave. He couldn't help but feel dread welling in his heart. Why? He did technically get what he wanted, even though he got screwed in the end. So why did he feel so awful?_

_Maybe it was because he was caught by Tom, or maybe it was because deep down, he really had missed everyone like crazy and wanted to see them again. To have one last run of fun._

_And it was. It had been fun, he had missed this. Though in the end, he was left behind and utterly rejected, just like he had predicted in the very beginning._

_He deserved it, but it hurt all the same. Guilt gnawed at his insides. He wondered over and over if it had been worth it. If power had been worth the price of his friendship with Edd and the others._

_Was it? Most likely not. He knew that now. He only wish he knew it then, so maybe he could have stopped and actually thought it over a few times._

_The worst part was he knew what he was doing. He hated it, but he was in full control. He was in complete control when he played Edd, complete control when he killed Jon and nearly killed Tom and his friends._

_All that was going through his head, all he could see was getting the power he needed. He didn't think about the hurt he would cause to anyone, and that made him feel even more like shit._

_Tord blinked back warm tears. He just wished that he could go back. Maybe then, things would have gone down differently. Maybe then he wouldn't have hurt Edd and Matt, driven Tom out. Maybe, maybe..._

_"Boss?" He felt a strong hand on his shoulder._

_"Yes, soldier..?" Tord choked out in response, trying to sound even despite how broken he felt, yet he knew he slipped a little._

_If Paul noticed, he didn't say anything. "It's time to leave. Pat erased any signs of your logo, but the police might still suspect you when they arrive at the scene and you're still here. We need to hurry and go. Now."_

_Tord casted one more uneasy glance toward what used to be his home. His friends were long gone now._

_"Sir...? Are you alright?" He felt the hand tighten and squeeze._

_Tord swallowed hard and nodded as he shakily got to his feet, avoiding his soldier's gaze. "I'm fine. Let's go. I wanna get away from here."_

_Paul nodded mutely and gnawed at his cigarette slightly, keeping his hand on his leader as they walked to the car and parted ways with him as Tord got into the backseat and Paul got into the driver's seat beside Patryck._

_Tord gazed down at his lap quietly, and he could feel both Paul and Patryck giving him concerned glances now and then as they drove away._

_When they arrived back at the base, everyone was asleep except Tae. She was in Tord's office in one of the chairs, reading a book and lit cigarette held firmly between her teeth._

_She glanced up as Paul, Patryck and Tord stood in the doorway. The young woman noticed Tord's condition and felt her heart break slightly._

_"M'am," Patryck spoke. "Could we get some help out here?"_

_Tae nodded and put her book down, walking over and exiting the office with the trio. Paul had Tord sit down in one of the chairs as Tae helped him and his right hand man with patching Tord up._

_"I hate you.." Tord wheezed out to Tae as she applied more bandages to his crippled arm._

_"No you don't," Tae riposted, completely unmoved by his words. "You don't mean that. You don't hate me. You love me. You hate yourself, Tord."_

_No he didn't. He did love her. He wished he did, but she was completely right._

_"Your guilt is like a weight over your heart," Tae explained as she bit down on her cigarette. "If ya focus on it too much, that weight will get heavy enough to crush it and before ya know it, it'll be slowly destroying you day by day. You made a mistake. Stop focusing on it so much and focus on learning and healing from it."_

_"How the fuck does someone like_ _me_ _get over what I did?" Tord questioned bitterly under his breath.  
_

_"It seems impossible right now," Tae sighed. "But that's just because you're being too hard on yourself and still in the midst of getting over it. You have to learn to forgive yourself. One day, it'll happen. Trust me."_

_"Whatever..."_

_Tae sighed again and looked at Paul and Patryck. "Okay. All done. Soliders, make sure he gets his rest. I'm packing it in. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_"Yes M'am." Paul riposted._

_Tae gave a sad smile and gave Tord a small, gentle hug. "Love you." She whispered._

_Tord weakly returned it. "Love you too.." he muttered._

_The woman pulled away and squeezed Tord's shoulder, giving one more smile at the trio and hugging Paul and Patryck as well before running off._

_Paul and his partner both rested hands on their leader and led him towards his room to get a much needed night full of rest._

* * *

 Edd, Matt and Tom let out sighs as they put an unconscious Tord on the sofa. 

"How long do you think he'll be out?" Edd asked his friends curiously as he put a blanket over Tord before going over and sitting in one of the chairs. 

"The Nurse told us that he'll be in and out of consciousness due to meds," Tom replied. He shrugged. "Who knows? It'll probably wear off after a while anyways." 

"You're right." 

"Hey guys," Matt abruptly whimpered, grabbing both of their attention. "I think we have to talk." 

"About what, Matt?" Edd asked. 

"About what happened. I mean, I know it's over and Tord promised he would stay, but...it was still scary. I still don't get why he did that." 

"Yeah," Edd sighed brokenly. "Me neither....I get he feels guilty...but I don't understand why he would even think that suicide's the answer." 

"Maybe he thought that was the only way from him to get away from his mistakes." Tom chimed in. 

"Maybe.." Edd agreed, blinking back tears. "I just hope he never does it again. Matt's right, that was _terrifying_. I..I don't wanna lose him.." he choked and let out a small sob. 

Tom and Matt gazed at him sadly. They all jumped slightly when the door bell rang and there was a couple of aggressive knocks on the door. 

"W-Who's that?" Edd sniffled, wiping away his tears. 

"I'll go see." Tom said and walked over to the door, putting his eye up to the peephole. He frowned. "Umm, a couple of guys in  uniform...?" 

"What?" Matt blinked in confusion. 

Tom sighed and unlocked, slowly opening the door. He abruptly yelped when it was shoved open and he backed up as guns were up in his face. 

"Whoa!" Edd gasped in shock. 

"Where's Red Leader!?" Paul demanded with a glower as he stepped inside with Patryck. 

"Where's who now?!" Tom repeated. "L-Look, we have no clue who you're talking about. Let's just put down the guns and-" 

Tom was cut off when Patryck let out a sharp gasp. "There he is!" He exclaimed, pointing at Tord and he and Paul rushed over. 

"He's unconscious..." Paul noted and pointed a gun at Edd. "You didn't do anything to him did you?!" 

"What, no I would never!" Edd exclaimed defensively. "P-Please, I-" 

They were all cut off by the sound of laughter. They turned to see a young woman in the doorway. 

"Soliders, please, calm down." She giggled as she walked over. 

"He's just fine, see? Just sleeping is all." She stated, running her hand through Tord's hair. 

Paul and Patryck let out sighs of relief, putting their guns away. 

"Um, who are you?" Tom questioned suspiciously. "And how do you know the commie?"

"Oh, Tord didn't tell you?" She smiled sheepishly as she turned to face them. "I'm his sister." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha ha! Told you guys she was really crucial! 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! Imma go to bed now! :P


	8. Sometimes the person we need to forgive most is ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How long until you leave?"
> 
> "Two weeks."

_Tord sat in between Tom and Matt on the couch, lazily gazing at the screen, leaning his cheek in his hand as Matt flipped through different channels, looking bored as hell and Tom wasn't really watching; he was reading one of his books, though he looked just as bored as the other two._

_Edd walked in. "Hey guys," he said, grabbing the trio's attention. "I've been thinking...we should do something fun."_

_Tord rested his arm on the back of the couch as he glanced at Edd. "What do you have in mind, Edd?"_

_"It's not a gun convention where Tord gets to blow up everything in his sight, is it?" Tom muttered bluntly as he flipped a page._

_Tord glared at him hotly. "Actually Edd, I think I'd prefer an alcohol convention; where Jehovah's Witness here gets to drink himself into oblivion."_

_Tom scowled at him, dropping his book and poking a finger in Tord's chest. "You wanna fucking go, commie?"_

_"I'd go any day, any time with you, fuckface. As long as you're sober enough to. It wouldn't be very fair to you if you were a drunk mess and I'd be kicking your ass."_

_"You son of a bitch!" Tom hissed and went to punch Tord, but the Norwegian easily caught his fist with a smug smirk._

_Edd scowled and pushed them roughly away from each other. "Guys, knock it off! After all these years, can't you two just give it a rest?!" He questioned desparately._

_"I would, but I don't think the alchoholic over here is." Tord shrugged._

_"Keep pushing it commie," Tom growled. "And you'll be lying in your grave by morning."_

_"Hey, c'mon guys," Matt frowned, getting up. "Edd is right. Leave it alone. Edd wants to tell us the fun thing he has planned."_

_Tord and Tom shared one more glower before groaning. "Sorry Edd," they mumbled in unsion._

_Edd sighed in heavy frustration. "As I was saying, since we all haven't gone in a really long time, maybe we could go swimming."_

_Tord cocked a brow. "Swimming?" he repeated._

" _Yeah. You know, in the water near that cliff in front of our house."_

_"Ooh! I love swimming!" Matt gasped, a twinkle in his eyes. "I'll go get my stuff!" He then ran off without waiting for a reaction from anyone._

_"I guess Matt's on board," Edd snickered. He looked at Tom and Tord. "What about you guys? It'll be really fun!"_

_Tom merely shrugged and Tord grinned in agreement, causing Edd to cheer. "Yay!!"_

_Once outside, the four men walked toward the cliff in their bathing suits. Edd, Tom and Matt looked slightly nervous._

_"So..." Edd swallowed apprehensively. "Who's going first?"_

_The other two didn't answer, and it was silent until they gave each other the same look._

_"Wait.." Edd questioned, confused. "Where's...where's Tord?"_

_At this question, the two brunettes and ginger abruptly heard the sound of running and they all let out yelps, backing out of the way as Tord jumped off the cliff and plunged into the water._

_"HOLY SHIT!" The trio exclaimed and rushed over to lean over the edge. The cliff was pretty high, so they worried slightly for their friend's safety._

_"Tord?" Edd called out in concern. "Are...are you okay?"_

_"'Course I'm okay, Edd!" Came a voice in response from down below, causing all of them to let out sighs of relief._

_Tord waved at them from in the water. "C'mon! It's nice in here!" he grinned._

_"Yeahhhh..." Tom mumbled, folding his arms across his bare chest. "I think I'll pass."_

_"Awe, what's wrong, Tom?" Tord snickered with a smirk. "Is Jehovah's Witness not only an alcoholic, but a pussy too?"_

_Tom's cheeks reddened and he glared down at the other man. "I'll show you who's a pussy, fucking commie!" he exclaimed and ran, jumping into the vast water._

_Tord laughed, covering his face with his arms as water covered him as Tom landed in beside him. Edd and Matt grinned at each other jumped in as well._

_Tom, Tord and Matt laughed, watching Edd's face turn red in embarassment as Matt went under Edd and picked him up, sitting him atop of his shoulders. Edd glared down at Matt, protesting and cussing him out, causing the trio to laugh even harder._

_Tord and Tom looked at each other. Tord abruptly gave a sly smirk, causing Tom to frown in confusion. Tord laughed and splashed a whole bunch of water in the other's face. Tom coughed and blinked once, twice, before glaring at the commie and jumping on top of him and wrestling with him in the water, and not too soon after Edd and Matt joined the fun, Tord cackling in enjoyment of it all._

_When they got home two hours later, it was late at night and the group decided to rewatch Return of The Insane Pirate Zombies from Hell series, a series they never got tired of. Tord sat in the middle of Edd and Matt, and Tom sat at the end._

_It was 10:30 and the third movie of the series was halfway through when Tord felt a heavy weight descend upon his shoulder. Looking over in confusion, he saw Edd leaning heavily into him, his head being the weight that rested on his shoulder, having fallen alsleep. He leaned over and saw even Tom was alsleep, leaning into Edd and looked to his left, seeing that Matt was alsleep as well, leaning into the Norwegian like Edd._

_Tord paused hesitantly, then dared a tiny warm grin with a small snort as he ruffled Edd's and Matt's hair and flicked Tom in the head lightly. Edd and Matt smiled in their sleep, and Tom smirked softly._

_The commie let out a small sigh as he switched off the TV, deciding that they could finish it tomorrow. He gently and quietly removed Edd's head from his shoulder as he picked the brunette up. He carried Edd to his room and put him in his bed, doing the same with the other two._

_Tord sighed again as he shut the door to Matt's room. He then went into the kitchen and cleaned up a bit, deciding it would make things easier on Edd in the morning._

_When he finally got back to his room, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and gazed at the screen to see it was a new message._

_Tae: How's it going, bro?_

_Tord sat on his bed as he began typing._

_Tord: Don't worry about me. Everything's good here. How's the Army doing?_

_Tae: Pretty good. Everyone misses you though. Keep hearing it's weird without you here._

_Tord smirked softly, but it quickly fell._

_Tord: But I'm needed back, aren't I?_

_Tae: Tord.._

_Tord: Don't sugarcoat things for me, Tae. You know I hate it when you do that. Just lay the cards on the table, sis. It's starting to struggle, isn't it?_

_Tae:...A little, yes._

_Tord gritted his teeth in anger._

_Tord: Why didn't you say anything!?_

_Tae: Bro...I'm sorry, it's just you've been having so much fun with your friends, I didn't want to ruin it for you and have you think about work._

_Tord felt his gaze soften and felt guilt fill him._

_Tord: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten mad..._

_Tae: It's okay. You're right, I should have mentioned it sooner._

_Tord: Why didn't you?_

_Tae: I just don't want you to feel pressured, alright? Because there isn't any. Not from me, not from Pau or Pat and definitely not from the Army. If you want me to continue leading for another month, another few months I'll do it._

_Tord: No. You're exhausted, I can tell. I'll admit, I am having fun and I do love being with my friends, but I also know and am aware that I have a job as your leader. I can't forget about that just because I don't want this to end. Thank you for taking over for me._

_Tae: You're welcome. When are you coming back?_

_Tord: In two weeks._

_Tae: Have you planned out how you're gonna tell everyone? How will they react? You do plan on telling them don't you?_

_Tord: Of course I do! I just don't think they're gonna take it well, especially not Edd._

_Tae: Aww...well, you'll figure it out. You always do. They'll get over and accept it, trust me. Just don't expect them to take it easy._

_Tord: I know. Get some rest, sis._

_Tae: Okay. Love you._

_Tord: Same here. Night._

_Tae: Night bro. Good luck and see you in a few weeks._

_Tord sighed as he switched off his phone and laid on his bed, thinking over how he was going to break it to Edd and the others, especially Edd. His eyes narrowed and a groan of annoyance escaped him. Fuck, this was going to be hard._

* * *

Everyone stood, stunned into silence. Edd was the first to break it after a few minutes.

"T-Tord has a sister?" Edd breathed, shaking his head. "H-He never told us about you!"

Tae giggled, walking away from Tord and toward the trio, placing a hand on her hip. "Honestly? 'M not surprised one bit. Tord was never really the type to discuss his past, including personal things like family." She sent them a slightly sad smile. "Not even with his closest friends, I'm afraid."

"So, what are you?" Tom asked with folded arms and narrowed eyes. "Older? Younger?"

"Tom!" Edd scolded with a glare. "Don't be so rude!"

"What!? It's just an honest question!"

"I don't care! You don't just ask a bunch of personal questions right after you meet someone you barely-"

They were cut off by Tae's giggles. "No, no. It's alright. He has a right to ask." she stated and sighed before continuing with a small grin. "Unfortunately, I'm Tord's _little_ sister. Though sometimes, despite it being ridiculous, according to him I'm his _baby_ sister. That's only sometimes though. He rarely refers to me like that, mainly 'cause we only have like a four year gap. Stupid moron's in his office all day, bossin' me 'round, telling me what I can or can't do, and getting really angry at me if I disobey. Man, can he _yell_." She chuckled with a slight roll of her eyes.

"Wow...that must suck." Edd frowned at her.

She waved him off with a soft smile. "Actually...not really. In the end, it's just Tord's way of keepin' me safe. Everyone in the army, too. Believe it or not, he's..." she trailed off, frowning.

"He's...what?" Edd pushed.

Tae sighed. "...Believe it or not, the guy's _really_ overprotective of me." She confessed with a frown. Tae snickered. "Been that way since we were kids. Man, you _should've_ seen what he did to that one guy who dumped me..." she trailed off with a small giggle.

"So Tord's always been...violent?" Edd asked.

"I...guess you can say that..." Tae answered slowly. "Not often though. He only gets violent when he's scared."

"Is that why he punched me a few months back?" Matt questioned with a frown. "Because he was scared of me pressing that button?"

"Tord easily covers up fear with anger or frustration which eventually evolves into violence. It's as natural for him as picking up a spoon and eating." Tae explained. "I'm sorry for his behavior by the way. He just..couldn't stand you guys finding out what would happen once that button was pressed. It was meant for him and him only to press, as what you saw was a top secret. It's not the best defense mechanism, but it's his."

"But...you're his sister, right?" Edd questioned and Tae nodded. "Then how come we've never met you our whole lives?"

"Well...you know Tord's from Norway, right? Like me?" Tae responded and the trio nodded. "Back when me and Tord were that age, Mom and Dad, who are obviously dead now didn't have enough money to send two kids all the way from Norway to here. They just barely had enough to send one. They figured it would be beneficial if Tord went. He didn't want to because he wanted me to, but I turned him down because I wanted him to be the one to grow up here and learn about the different cultures and stuff. Besides, I was comfortable where I was, and Tord always came home on holidays and breaks to visit. We were both out of school by the time he started the Army, so the whole time I've just been taking his place at the base while he was here with you guys." she informed.

"By 'Red Leader' and the 'Army'," Tom uttered in confusion. "What do you mean when you call him 'Red Leader'? And what Army?"

"It's not our place to say," Paul stated. "We'll let Tord explain that to you once he wakes up."

"Fair enough," Tom mumbled.

"In the mean time," Edd said. "Want some cola and snacks?"

"Sure!" Tae replied cheerfully.

* * *

 A small groan escaped Tord as he opened his eyes. They widened and Tord sat up once he realized he was in his bedroom on his bed. Wasn't he in the hospital a while ago? When was he brought home? Where were Edd and the others?

"Fuck," Tord muttered, putting a hand to his head. The current headache he had was killing him.

The Norwegian huffed and climbed out of bed, exiting his room and walking downstairs.

Edd was the first to notice him. "Tord!" he exclaimed happily and ran over, enveloping him in a tight yet gentle hug.

Tord blushed and smiled, wrapping an arm around the other brunette in return.

"You're finally up! How're you feeling?" Edd asked once he pulled away.

"Pretty good despite an annoying headache." Tord replied honestly.

Edd frowned. "Really? Is the headache really bad?"

Tord shook his head, "No, it just-" he abruptly cut himself off and froze when he noticed Paul, Patryck and Tae in the room. He gazed at them in bewilderment. 

Tae smiled. "Hi, bro. It's..been a while." she greeted.

"Tord, do you know them?" Edd asked them with a concerned frown.

Tord didn't answer him. He merely stared the other trio down with a dark grimace, causing Tae and the soldiers to feel confused and slightly afraid.

The commie growled, muttering "damn it" before he turned and left the room, much to everyone's confusion. He returned not nearly a minute later, gun in hand.

The group gasped and Tae and Patryck hid behind Paul as Tord approached them with it.

"B-Boss! W-Why the gun!?" he questioned apprehensively.

"Oh?" Tord hummed. "Playing dumb, are we, soldier? I know exactly why you're here. It's almost kinda funny and sad at once that it had to come down to this."

"Bro, please," Tae begged. "I know you're angry but we-"

They all jumped when Tord threw the gun into Paul's hands.

Tord stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking down. "What're you waiting for? Do it already. I'm not judging."

Pau, Patryck and Tae gazed at each other before looking at their leader, perplexed. 

"Um, do _what_ exactly, Boss?" Paul questioned. 

"You _know_ what. _Shoot_ me." 

Edd and the others gasped. Edd glared at him. 

"Tord! What are you _doing_!? You _promised_! You said-" 

He stopped when Tord mutely held a hand up to silence him. Edd growled, folding his arms across his chest with an uneasy grimace. 

"Go ahead. Don't hesitate. I left you guys behind. I failed as your leader, your general, your commander. Therefore you have a right to get rid of me. I'm not angry at your decision and certainly not at you guys or the Army. So..." Tord sighed. "Just do us all a favor and get it over with, alright?" 

Tae, Paul and Patryck abruptly burst into laughter, confusing Tord. 

"Aww man, bro," Tae gasped between giggles. We're not here to _kill_ you." She laughed. 

Edd, Matt and even Tom visibly relaxed. 

Tord raised a brow at them. "Then..why _are_ you here?" 

The trio recovered from laughter and sighed. 

"Tord, we would never _think_ of such a thing." Tae stated. 

"Yeah! Besides, the army is falling apart without you, Red Leader. We'd be lost without you if anything were to happen." Paul added.

" _Falling_ _apart_?" Tord repeated with a confused look. "Paul...solider, what're you goin' on 'bout?"

The trio exchanged sad looks before looking back at him.

"Boss...it's just not the same without you." Patryck confessed with a heavy sigh. "Everyone's always constantly wondering where you are, always asking us about how you're doing, where you are, if you're okay, if you're alive, so on. They're worried sick about you. And...when they found out that you tried to _commit_ _suicide_..." he shivered.

Tord snorted. "I bet they were happy to get someone like me out of their lives. Bet they already hated me for leaving 'em."

Paul gasped. "Boss, how could you say such a thing!? That's not true! The minute wetold them, heartbreak and pain broke out on every one of their faces. S-Some even had _tears_ in their eyes, some even _cried_. After we told them, things _really_ went downhill. They could barely work, they could barely _sleep_. Because they were up worrying, _fearing_ for you, praying you'd live. They could never hate you. In fact quite the opposite. Which is why I don't understand why you would think that. They...they _love_ you, boss." he explained.

Tord's eyes were wide in shock.

"We need you in order to keep going, to keep running, to even _exist_." Patryck added softly. "We _need_ you, and thats why we're here. Not to kill you, Tord. For God's sake, if anything ever happened to you, I bet everyone in that army would have a heart attack. Because in their eyes, in _our_ eyes you can never be replaced. We're here to discuss you taking a trip back there for a few weeks when you recover so everyone can see that you're alive and well, and then we can get some business done." he explained with a small smile.

Tord swallowed hard, processing the information. He felt his throat tighten and eyes sting. "You...you guys actually want me _back_?" he muttered.

"Of course we do!" Tae grinned. "Like we said, it ain't the same without you. Besides, it's not nice to keep 'em worried and scared, you know, it-" she paused, frowning at her brother. "..Bro?"

Tord felt more tears fill his eyes and begin to streak his cheeks. He shook his head. "I don't get it," he muttered, fists visibly shaking. "I....I _left_ you guys! I nearly did it a _second_ time! How come you want me _back_!?" he exclaimed at them.

Tord glared at Tae through his tears, pointing at her. "Why do _you_ want me back!? I-I left _you_ too! I just left the Army in your hands, just dropped it on your lap and took off! You _barely_ knew what to do with the Army, barely knew how to lead it but I didn't care! All I cared about was what would make _me_ and me _only_ happy! I didn't think about you, *hic* o-or Patryck, or Paul or _anyone_ else in the army! I'm a fucking _terrible_ *hic* brother! I basically _abandoned_ you! Who knows when it will be until I abandon you _again_! And _again_ , and _again_! Can't you see!? I'm not worth it! I don't deserve you or anyone in the Army! I don't deserve friends, or a family, or a sister! I don't deserve to be _loved_ , I don't deserve _any_ of it! I've been a bad brother your _whole_ life, so...*hic*... s-so...*hic* w- _why_?" he choked. "I-I'll j-just keep on hurting you..."

Tae merely grinned, walking over and grabbing Tord's hands in hers. "Honestly Tord, if you _were_ a bad brother, you wouldn't have wasted all that time beating up all those guys and people who hurt me in the past, threatening every new one that came into my life _and_ the Army that if they plan on getting close to me, they better not hurt _me_ or they'll have _you_ to deal with, being so damn overprotective with me all the time. You also wouldn't bother yelling at me to be careful whenever I disobey you, you wouldn't keep me in the office with you as much as you can so you can obviously keep a closer eye on me, and you wouldn't kinda secretly stress 'bout keeping me safe and alive." she giggled. "That doesn't sound like a bad brother to _me_. That sounds like the best brother I could ask for, even if you can get bossy and annoy me."

Tord sniffled. "B-But I fucked up..." 

Tae frowned. "So? Of course you fucked up, _everyone_ fucks up! Fucking up is part of life! What matters is what you do to pick yourself up after." 

"I left you..." 

"I forgive you."

"I-I hurt you!" 

"I'm not angry." 

" _Why_!?" Tord hissed angrily at her. 

Tae snickered. "Because you're my big brother, the guy I basically looked up to my whole life, therefore I could never hate you. We're _family_ , Tord. We're _blood_. _That's_ why." 

Tord sighed, wiping away his tears. "I'm sorry for leaving you behind." He mumbled. 

"It's okay." Tae riposted and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's okay.." 

She nuzzled her face into his shoulder. "I missed you." 

"..Same here." Tord hesitantly replied and paused, "How about you stay with us and sleep in the guest rooms until we leave?" 

Tae grinned. "We'd like that." 

* * *

 It was hard for Edd to sleep that night. He tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position. He assumed Tom and Matt were probably the same way. 

Tord continued to occupy his thoughts. He couldn't help but worry. Not just about Tord's situation. Tord was slowly but surely getting better. But the Norwegian still had quite some ways to go. And in some ways, Edd couldn't help but feel he was holding back.

Like Tord didn't want to let go.

Didn't want to move on. 

Refusing to forgive himself.

He also worried about Tord's leaving in three weeks. Edd had confronted him about it at dinner, and despite Tord's reassurance that he would only be gone for a month, he was still scared. 

Perhaps it was his fear that Tord would repeat what he tried to do at the park.

Maybe he felt like Tord just got back, literally _just_ got back, and he wasn't ready for the commie to leave again. 

It was probably both of those. Edd couldn't deny it, no matter how hard he tried to. 

He trusted Tord. Of course he did. He forgave and trusted him. Just like he trusted Matt and Tom. 

He's just always had the fear of losing him, Matt and Tom. It's always been that way growing up. 

Someone could try to assure him it would never happen, whether it be a stranger or one of the trio themselves, but it wouldn't matter. 

The fear would still be there. Always has been, always will be. 

Edd felt his eyes beginning to flutter and eyelids drooping. He was almost asleep when he heard it. 

The most anguish-filled scream he had ever heard in his whole life. 

Edd shot up with a sharp gasp and jumped out of bed. He rushed out of his room where he saw Tae, Patryck, Paul, Matt and Tom up as well with bewildered grimaces. 

"You heard it too?" He questioned them. 

"I think it was my brother." Tae murmured softly. 

Paul and Patryck instantly rushed into the living room and were by Tord's side in a heartbeat. Tae and the others peeked around the corner, not wanting to be seen. Tom, Matt and Edd were curious to see how the soldiers would handle the situation.

Tord seemed to be apparently fighting for air, gasping and choking while clenching at his hair, slouched over in the sofa that was set out which he was laying on not nearly three minutes ago.

Paul rested a hand on Tord's shaking shoulder with a concerned expression. "Red Leader, what happened?" 

"What's wrong?!" Patryck questioned with the same amount of concern. 

 "I-I..." Tord choked shakily. That was all he got out before he broke down. 

The Norwegian sobbed heavily, burying his face in his palms, trembling badly. He didn't move or flinch as he felt a pair of rough arms around him and felt himself being pulled into someone's chest.

"Hey, hey, hey," came a gruff but gentle voice. It was Paul. "It's okay, boss. It's okay."

Tord buried his face in his devoted solider's chest, not giving a shit about his pride at the minute. He murmured "I'm sorry" over and over again between sobs and gasps.

He then felt a second pair of arms around him and another voice; Pat. "Shh, it's okay, boss. There's nothing for you to be sorry for. Shh." he cooed and Tord felt him ruffle his ridiculous hair soothingly. Tord sobbed harder, _desperately_ gripping and _clinging_ to his two most devoted soldiers.

Paul shared a concerned look with his partner as he allowed Tord to soak his chest. They had never seen Tord break down like this, _never_ in all the years they had been together with him since they joined the Red Army and became Tord's chosen top two soldiers. The duo knew he harbored a lot of anger and frustration that ultimately amounted to guilt and pain, but...they didn't...they had no idea it was _this_ bad. The fact that Tord was acting so vulnerable, so desperate, a _complete_ contrast to his usual persona was even more concerning. Nevertheless the two men held their leader as tightly as they could as Tord bawled.

About ten minutes which felt like forever passed and Tord's sobs ceased. He sniffled, pulling away slightly and holding his head in his hands. His soldiers waited patiently for an explanation. 

"Two days," he mumbled, puffy and red brown eyes gazing up at the duo. "Two days, three at the most. That was all. I wasn't planning on staying any longer when I came back. My plan was to get in, hang with Edd and the others for a bit, get what I needed, and get out. No distractions, no re-thinking, no reminiscing, no nothing." 

He let out a weak, bitter chuckle. "But that's not how it went down, was it? No, instead of doing that I got attached all over again. And to make things even worse, I lost contact with all reality. I-I wanted that power, in my mind at the time, I _needed_ it, soldiers, and it didn't matter what I had to sacrifice or do to get it, all that mattered to me was that I got it." 

Another sob escaped his throat. "I-I fucked up _bad_. I lied to Edd and the others for months so I could hide my dirty little secret. I-I just couldn't risk them finding out. What I really was. What I really _am_. I suppose now I'm willing to tell, but back then I wasn't. I-I _used_ them. B-But I _wanted_ to get caught. I was tired of hiding shit from them. M-Maybe it w-was because stupid Jehovah's witness caught me, or maybe I really did miss them. And the fucking truth is, I _did_. And I k-know I'm forgiven, b-but I just c-can't..." 

Tord broke into a new fit of sobs. "N-No matter how hard I fucking t-try, I just c-can't shake the feeling that I-I'm gonna screw up a-and h-hurt them again...and it haunts me...it fucking haunts me...I...I don't know...I don't know what to do...I don't know what to do anymore..." he trailed off sobbing. 

Edd, Matt and Tom watched from around the corner sadly. They finally realized, especially Edd, that they had really underestimated how guilty the commie was truly feeling. No wonder why he was a mess. 

Paul sighed softly. "Boss," he spoke. "You're being way too hard on yourself. Yes you made a huge mistake, but that's no reason to be beating yourself up every single day for it. That doesn't help anything." 

"He's right, boss," Patryck agreed with a frown. "We all forgive you. It's _okay_. We all forgive you, in fact we were never mad at you in the first place, and we could _never_ hate you for _anything_. You're our leader, and you help us every day like a true one does. But harboring all this guilt and pain inside is getting you nowhere. Sometimes, the person we need to forgive the most is _ourselves_. Please, we want to help you, but you need to help _us_ help you. It's actually _painful_ to see you like this, Boss. We don't wanna see you hurt yourself, especially since you don't deserve it. You may not think this, but you're a _good_ person, Tord. Everyone else is giving you a second chance. It's time for you to give yourself one." 

"That's right. We're here to help you. So please just stop beating yourself up. It's only going to hurt you further. Let us and your friends and sister help you. We're _begging_ you, we're all you have left after all. So don't push us away. Please, our job as your soldiers is to protect you. We failed at it once when we saw you going off the rails, but we couldn't do anything to stop it. We _refuse_ to fail you ever again." Paul finished. 

Tord swallowed down a whimper. "... _Okay_ ," he choked, burying his face in Paul and Patryck's shoulders, crying softer. 

A few more minutes passed and Tord's crying ended for good. His soldiers pulled away. 

"Are you okay now, Boss?" Paul asked him. 

"Yes," Tord breathed, blushing in embarassment. "Thank you, Paul, Patryck. I...I honestly don't know what I'd do without you men." 

The duo smiled at this. 

"Well," Patryck started as he and Paul began to walk away. "If there's nothing else, have a nice night, si-" 

"Wait." Tord said quietly, grabbing Paul's arm. 

"Is something wrong?" Paul frowned. 

With a slight glare, Tord looked away, blushing more than before. "C-Could you two...j-just stay with me for tonight? A-As my soldiers, obviously." He sheepishly requested. 

Paul and Patryck gazed at each other before snickering softly. 

"Of course, Boss." Paul replied with a smile as he and Patryck sat on one side of Tord, allowing their leader to lean into them. 

"Thank you, soldiers.." Tord mumbled tiredly. 

He was almost asleep when he spoke again. 

"Paul? Patryck?" 

"Yes, boss?" They replied in unison. 

Tord yawned. "Don't tell the others about this, or you're dead men." 

The soldiers laughed at this. 

"Wouldn't dream of it, Boss." Patryck chuckled. "Get some rest, Tord. We're not going anywhere." 

For the first time in months, Tord actually smiled before falling asleep. 

Edd and the gang grinned softly at Tord and then at each other before quietly walking off, not wanting to disturb the trio. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I love this family?
> 
> I love this family. I love this fam so much it's unhealthy. <3
> 
> Awe, poor Tord. He's going through so much pain right now. But one way or another, he needs to face the consequences of his actions and not deny his own emotions, because that will only lead to more pain and guilt.
> 
> My heart burns for this boy. For all of them really. :P
> 
> Welp, it's like 1 AM and I guess I should get sleep before I pass out, plus my Tablet's gonna die. 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed! Bye! <3 :p (Also thank you so much for the support. It means a lot. Night!)


	9. Five steps forward but three steps back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Was it because of me?" Those words poured out of Tom's mouth without thinking. 
> 
> Tord looked at him. "Hmm~?"
> 
> "Your suicide attempt. Was it because of me? 'Cause of us?" 
> 
> Tom decides to ask a question that's been bugging him for a while which eventually turns into a full on conversation with a drunk Tord.

_"Hi Tord!" Edd greeted with a big grin as Tord entered the kitchen._

_Edd, Matt and Tom were sitting at the table, big platter of pancakes in front of them._

_"Come and sit down with us! We made pancakes!" He exclaimed cheerfully._

_"Um," Tord uncomfortably shifted on his feet, gripping at the bag slung over his back. "Actually Edd, I need to talk to you." He swallowed. " **All**_ _of you, really."_

_Matt frowned at Tord's serious expression, an expression Tord rarely gave. It made the ginger feel quite uneasy._

_"W-What's that bag for?" Matt frowned. "I thought we weren't going on an adventure today."_

_"It's not--I mean, we're not, Matt." Tord sighed, finally raising his gaze from his shoes and meeting his friends' eyes. "Guys..." he paused hesitantly before continuing. "...I...I'm...leaving."_

_Edd and the others froze._

_"You're... **leaving**?" Edd repeated after a few minutes of silence. He frowned painfully. "But...why do you have to go?"_

_"Work. I have some...business to attend to."_

_"How long will you be gone?" Edd stood, walking closer to Tord._

_"I don't know," Tord mumbled with a shrug._

_"You don't know?" Edd felt tears appearing in his eyes. "You don't know like, you'll be gone forever?"_

_Tord's eyes widened in alarm. "What? No no no no no! I won't be gone **forever**! Just for... a long while at most. I'll be back." Tord smiled comfortingly, resting a hand on Edd's shoulder. "You really do worry too much, Edd. I'll be back so quick, you'll forget I was ever gone. Nothing to cry over." _

_Edd sniffled, blinking back newly formed tears. "Promise?"_

_"Yes, of course I do." Tord assured with a small frown. He expected Edd to be upset, but he wasn't expecting him to be **this** worked up over his leave. He'd be back in a few weeks, perhaps a few months at the most. _

_"Okay," Edd sighed and gave him a small, tight hug. "Just be careful, alright?" He muttered, voice muffled._

_"Yeah Edd," Tord riposted after recovering from shock from the sudden embrace, gradually hugging Edd back. "I'll be careful. No worries."_

_"We're gonna miss you Tord," Matt abruptly sniffled, causing Tord's attention to snap to the ginger and Edd raised his head from Tord's shoulder as they watched Matt approach them._

_Matt was yanking Tom by the arm with him._

_"Matt..." Tom growled warningly. "Don't you fucking dare--"_

_"FRIENDSHIP CUDDLE PILE!" Matt abruptly exclaimed, pulling the trio into a giant embrace, causing everyone including Tord and Tom to burst into laughter._

_Tord huffed as he shut the trunk of his car and allowed himself to be pulled into a final unexpected, tight embrace by Edd which Tom and Matt gradually joined._

_The Norwegian waved to the trio before climbing into his car and driving away._

* * *

 Things were starting to slow down and weren't quite as hectic in the house. Paul and Patryck handed and helped him out with the paperwork, Tae worked on getting to know Tord's friends, Edd returned to his cola, Tom returned to his drinking, and Matt returned to fantasizing about his "beautiful" face in his mirrors. 

Whenever he felt like he wasn't forgiven, Edd would be there to remind him that he was. 

If he had nothing better to do at the time, Matt would hang and watch TV with him. 

Tom would stay up with him so he wouldn't be left with his still slightly guilt-filled thoughts alone. 

This night however was different. 

Tord sat at his desk, back turned to Tom as he chatted with him whilst gazing down at some papers for work and Tom had a bottle in his hand, gulping down booze as he talked with the commie, managing to stay surprisingly sober. 

Though it wasn't truly surprising. Not really. Tom had been drinking for so many years that he could still stay sober even when he had five bottles, he was so good at it by this point. Even Tord himself knew that. 

It was about the time that Tom made a random comment about how it was fucking amazing to even him that he was still sober that Tord said the most crazy thing he had ever heard, causing Tom to nearly choke. 

"I bet I could drink more than you." Tord stated, turning around in his swivel chair to face Tom. 

Tom recovered and raised a brow. " _What_? Commie, are you all there? Do you even remember who you're talking to? You-"

Tord nonchalantly waved him off. "Yes, Yes, I know. I'm basically talking to the King of all alcoholics." He ignored Tom, who was glaring at him for his comment despite it being true. "But still. Let's give it a shot." 

"A drink off? Tord, you'll be drunk by your third drink." Tom stated incredulously. 

Tord smirked. "We'll see about that. Or are you just scared someone's gonna steal your crown from you?" He challenged. 

Tom flinched, before sighing and standing up with a slight glare. "Alright, since there's obviously no stopping you. I'll go get more of my booze. You want by bottles, or by shots?" 

Tord shrugged, that shit-eating grin never leaving his face. "Shots." 

"Fine." Tom grumbled and left the room, coming back in a few minutes later with a big bottle and two small glasses. 

Tom sat down across from Tord, placing the glasses on the small table and pouring the alcohol into them. 

"I'm gonna be pissed if you pass out and I have to drag your ass to bed." Tom growled, handing Tord his glass. 

Tord snorted, rolling his eyes. "Calm down, Tom. That won't happen." He assured, and Tom just knew the commie was lying and this wouldn't end well for him. 

Tord's barely had a lot of drinks their whole lives, which means he's not used to it, which meant he was more likely to get drunk quicker. 

Tord and Tom gulped the first shot down in unison. Tom smirked in amusement as Tord cringed and coughed a little, clearly not liking the aftertaste. 

"Hanging in there, Commie?" He teased. 

"I'm fine." Tord grumbled. 

"Not used to it, huh wiseass?" 

"Shut the hell up, Jehovah's Witness. Fill me up." Tord growled and held his glass out. 

Tom merely shrugged and did just that. They were lucky Edd wasn't seeing this. If he was, he would probably freak out and scold them like the mother hen he really was. 

In fact, the man was in the living room, passed out from exhaustion and fast asleep on the couch, blankets covering him. He had fallen alseep at the table after everyone had finished eating, so Tord carried him to the couch and carefully laid him down, Matt grabbing some blankets and spreading them over Edd before leaving the room to converse somewhere else so Edd could get the rest he needed and more importantly deserved. 

In the end, the duo and everyone else felt bad for the green clad. He had been busy looking after everyone else and taking care of Tord at the same time, making sure he ate enough and took his pain meds, not to mention helped him change his bandages each and every day so it was no wonder he was so tired. 

Everyone had decided to catch up on some extra sleep tonight. Tord and Tom were the only ones up. 

Tom was proven correct. After about five shots, Tord was beginning to look drunk, swaying slightly in his seat while Tom was completely sober. 

Tom smirked. "Told you that you'd be drunk after four or five shots. Guess I get to keep my crown." 

"Shut up." Tord mumbled drunkenly. "How are you not even drunk right now?" 

"Years of practice." 

"Ah ha. Well, I'm gonna go to bed before I pass out. In the mean time, do me a favor and get out of my room." Tord snorted and shakily stood. 

Tom reached out and grabbed Tord's arm, startling the man. "Wait a minute." Tom uttered quietly. "Commie, I uh...I wanna ask you something." 

Tord huffed in slight frustration, sitting back down. "Ugh. What is it?" 

"Was it because of me?" Tom blurted without thinking. 

Tord looked at him, confused. "Huh?" 

"Your suicide attempt. Was it because of me? 'Cause of us?" 

Tord sighed, averting his gaze away. " _Oh_. This again." 

He glared slightly, shaking his head. "Nei, dumbass. Det hadde ingenting å gjøre med deg, eller Edd eller Matt, ikke Paul eller Patryck, og det var helt sikkert ikke noe å gjøre med min søsters søster. Jeg bare ... Jeg følte meg bare som om jeg var i veien, som om jeg skulle nå. Som jeg var sløsing med plass til alle. Jeg mener, la oss være ærlige. Du og jeg hater hverandre. Shit, vi har ikke vært i nærheten av hverandre siden High School. Å vokse opp, mener jeg. Men skru det. Det er ikke poenget. Jeg følte meg som om jeg var å kaste bort alles tid. Jeg er overrasket Edd reddet meg selv. Vurderer hvordan jeg har behandlet ham. Hva jeg har gjort. Visst, han ville vært trist en stund, men til slutt hadde han glemt alt om meg." 

Tom swallowed thickly, processing everything he said before speaking slowly. "Commie, you _do_ know Edd kinda has a small phobia when it comes to death, don't you? He can't stand it. That's why he's so overprotective of us. He wants to be the first to go someday, hopefully in a _long_ time from now, because he won't be able to stand it if something happened to _you_ , Matt or me. He gets scared out of his mind just thinking about it. Therefore, I _sincerely_ doubt he would've _ever_ forgotten you had you died." 

Tord met his gaze with a frown. "Hva skjer du om?"

 "He was _crying_ , Tord. For fuck's sake, I don't think I've _ever_ seen Edd cry so hard our whole lives we've known him. He was crying over _you_ , because you were scaring the _shit_ out of him. You were _barely_ breathing, barely alive and that scared him! Shit, it scared _all_ of us! Are you really _that_ stupid!? You're smart enough to built an all powerful robot, lead an Army, but _not_ smart enough to notice your own friend's _feelings_!? Don't you fucking know how much he _cares_ about you!? How much the damn moron _loves_ you?! He loves every single one of us, and he's terrified to death of losing anyone, and I expected you to know that, but _no_ instead you go and try to take your own life and nearly give him a heart attack! You dumbass! You can't try to leave him like that! You-You _can't_ _traumatize_ him like that!" 

Tord's eyes widened. " _What_?" 

"I wish you weren't so fucking surprised." Tom snorted, taking another swig of booze. "Isn't it _obvious_ how much he cares? He's been running around back and forward, left and right making sure you're okay and you have everything you need. He also wants to make sure he won't lose you again. He _really_ cares about you, commie. About _all_ of us. So do us _all_ a favor, and no more reckless stunts, unless you wanna put him in an even worse state than he is now." He finished. 

Tord let out a tired sigh, feeling the alcohol kick in. He laid his arms on the table, burying his face in them. "Yeah, okay...whatever you say..." he murmured, drifting off into unconsciousness. 

Tom snorted again. He said this wouldn't happen. Whatever. 

He stood and picked Tord up, placing him in his bed and throwing the covers over him. He then grabbed the bottle and glasses and walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him. 

Once he was in his own room, he hesitated for a few minutes. Finally, he placed the bottle back on his shelf. He'd finish it another time. Hopefully not until a while. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basic Norwegian Speech chart/Guide:
> 
> Nei=No  
> Ja=Yes  
> Hold kjeft!=Shut up!  
> Fuck deg=Fuck you  
> Skru av=Screw off  
> Dritt=Shit  
> Søster=Sister  
> Bror=Brother  
> Bikersønn!=Son of a bitch!  
> Damn deg=Damn you  
> Jeg elsker deg/ jeg elsker deg også= I love you/I love you too  
> Jeg savner deg/jeg savnet deg=I miss you/I missed you  
> Hei/Hallo=Hi/Hello  
> Ha det=Bye/Goodbye  
> Jøss=Jeez  
> Greit=Okay/Alright  
> Vær så snill=Please  
> Takk/Takk skal du ha=Thanks/Thank you  
> Eller=Or  
> Hvorfor=Why  
> Gud dang det!=God Dang it!  
> Kan være=Maybe  
> Beklager/jeg er så lei meg=I'm sorry/I'm so sorry  
> Det er greit=It is/It's okay  
> Jeg hater deg=I hate you  
> jeg tilgir deg=I forgive you  
> Samme her=Same here  
> Ikke=Don't  
> Fordi=Because  
> Lykke til=Good Luck  
> jeg regner med at=I guess  
> Må jeg?=Do I have to?  
> Fint=Fine  
> Hvis du sier det så=If you say so  
> Jeg vil ikke=I don't want to  
> Ikke sant=Right/Correct  
> Feil=Wrong/Incorrect  
> Hvorfor det?=How come?  
> Ser deg senere=See you later  
> Unnskyld meg=Excuse me  
> Veldig morsomt=Very funny  
> Lykkelig=Happy  
> Lei Seg=Sad  
> Sint=Angry  
> Urolig=Upset  
> gråter=Crying  
> tårer=Tears  
> Skade=Hurt  
> Han=He  
> Hun=She  
> Har=Has  
> Er=Is  
> vært=Been  
> De=They  
> jeg forstår=I understand  
> Herr=Sir  
> Frue=Ma'am  
> Sjef=Boss  
> Er du ok=Are you okay?  
> Som du ønsker=As you wish  
> God Morgen=Good Morning  
> God nat=Good night  
> Ha en fin dag=Have a nice day  
> Ha en fin kveld=Have a nice night
> 
> I hope this helps. I decided to be nice and took some time out to paste the basic phrases that might be said throughout my stories, and most likely won't be said in English, especially between Tord and Tae if they want it to be secret. Or if they're embarassed or whatever to say it out loud in English. 
> 
> You can also just take it upon yourselves to translate random phrases. I am going to say that GT(Google Translate) is not the most accurate, but I just used it to translate half of this stuff and the other half I got help from my friend who just happens to be studying Norway, Norwegian and it's culture himself. Convenient, am I right? 
> 
> Also, just for a note, Tom indeed did learn Norwegian in High School in order to understand Tord, so yes he understood every single word of what the drunk gunner was saying. 
> 
> Paul and Patryck also took it upon themselves to learn Norwegian for Tord before they joined the Army to understand him and his sister. Most of the army also knows Norwegian, so they know what the duo is saying when they speak it. :P 
> 
> Edd and Matt are strongly thinking about learning Norwegian too. Hey, maybe Pau and Pat can help, maybe Tae, or even better Tord himself! <3 He'd make an excellent teacher, he's got that native tongue. 
> 
> Also, if you were wondering what Tord was saying...
> 
> "No, dumbass. It had nothing to do with you, or Edd or Matt, not Paul or Patryck, and it sure as fuck didn't have anything to do with my little sister. I just...I just felt like I was in the way, like I was getting nowehere. Like I was a waste of space for everyone. I mean, let's be honest. You and I hate each other. Shit, we haven't been close with each other since High School. Growing up, I mean. But screw that. That's not the point. I just felt like I was wasting everyone's time. I'm surprised Edd even saved me. Considering how I've treated him. What I've done. Sure, he would've been sad for a while, but eventually he would've forgotten all about me."
> 
> "What are you going on about?"
> 
> That's enough for me. I'm going to sleep before I pass out myself like Edd. Night! :P <3


	10. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Edd, can I ask you something?" Tom finally spoke up. 
> 
> "What is it?" Edd replied absentmindedly, distracted by what he was doing. 
> 
> "Why did you let Tord back into our lives in the first place?" 
> 
> Tom confronts Edd on why he forgave Tord so easily and let him back into his life without a struggle.

_Tord let out a heavy sigh as he stepped out of his car and stood in front of the house. **His** house. _

_His phone rang and he instantly picked up. "Yes, soldier?"_

_"Are ya there yet, boss?" Came Paul's voice through the phone._

_"Yeah," Tord mumbled as he pulled out a lock pick and began jingling it around in the lock of the front door. "...I'm getting in now..."_

_"Are we sticking to the plan?"_

_"Yes. Stay low and don't get caught. There are wanted posters everywhere."_

_"Same to you, sir. Be careful and good luck." Paul uttered and hung up._

_Tord shoved his phone back into his pocket just as the door clicked and made a creaking sound as he opened the door._

_The Norwegian swallowed thickly as he entered the home. He still couldn't believe he let time slip away from him so easily. What was meant to be for a few weeks or months had turned into **eight** **years**. _

_Yet everything still looked the same. It made him feel nostalgic._

_Well, except for the photos of him that had black scribbles all over. Tom must have done that._

_Tord snorted as he gazed at one of them. He rolled his eyes, completely unfazed. Jehovah's Witness was so fucking immature. What was he, five?_

_His eyes flew to his old room that was likely Tom's room now._

_Pulling out another lock pick, he went over and began working on his room door._

_"Edd, I promise you that harpoon gun will come in handy." Tom groaned as Edd parked the car in front of their house._

_"What would be **useful** is if you fucking throw it away." Edd grumbled. _

_"Geez, what's eating **you**?" He heard Tom question as the trio stepped out of the car, but he ignored him._

_"Seriously Edd, are you okay?" Matt frowned as they approached the door._

_"Fine Matt, just really tired." Edd lied as he pulled his keys out. He was still pretty agitated that Tom had sold the sofa for a harpoon gun, but he'd never admit it to his friends. It was stupid to stay mad anyways. There was nothing he could do about it. And it made Tom happy, so Edd supposed it made him a **little** satisfied. It always made him happy when his friends were happy. _

_He nearly dropped the keys when he realized the door was wide open._

_"What is it, Edd?" Tom asked as he and Matt leaned over to see. Both paled when they noticed the door._

_"I'm **certain** I locked it before we left." Edd swore as he and the other two walked inside. _

_"Tom, can you go check the hall?" Edd asked while Matt sat on the couch and Edd leaned over, trying to figure out how the hell someone was able to pick the door._

_The green clad sighed, scratching the back of his neck. He froze when he heard Tom lash out._

_"What the hell are you doing here!?" Came Tom's voice, sounding more shocked than anything._

_"Visiting." Came the nonchalant reply, and Edd felt his heart nearly stop. He recognized that thick accent._

_The brunette swallowed and made his way towards the hall, interrupting any kind of conversation that was taking place._

_Tom paled when he noticed him. He backed up slightly and Edd saw the full view of the person._

**_Tord._ **

_Tord smiled at him. "Hello, Edd. Long time no see." He greeted, hands stuffed in his pockets._

_More like **forever** no see. Long time was an understatement. _

_Eight years. It had taken him eight years to come back to them. Yet here he was, standing before them, alive and perfectly well._

_Edd felt angry and happy at the same time. Angry that Tord had left them for so long without any updates, but happy that he was actually here._

_And despite how long it took, he came back._

_He actually came back._

_Edd chose to act on the joy that was filling his chest as he ran forward, catapulting himself against the Norwegian's strong chest and wrapping his arms around him in a vice grip. Tord stumbled back a few steps, but regained his balance and didn't fall._

_"I..I missed you too, Edd." Tord snickered awkwardly as he stood there._

_"Welcome back," Edd chuckled and pulled away slightly. "Where have you been all this time?"  
_

_"It's a really long story." Tord smiled sheepishly._

_"Well, I hope you're staying because I wanna hear all about your adventures." Edd stated before abruptly gasping with a smile, a twinkle in his eyes. "Hey, we went on a few adventures of our own! Wanna see the things we collected!?"_

_"Sur-" Tord started to reply, but was cut off and let out a small yelp of surprise as Edd grabbed his arm and started dragging him, earning a chuckle of amusement out of him._

_"Hey! Wait for me!!" Matt exclaimed happily before quickly following them._

_Tom growled, arms folded across his chest as he hesitantly followed them. He still hated the commie, and he didn't trust why he was here._

* * *

 "Night Tom." Matt said from inside his room as Tom walked out.

"Good night Matt." Tom replied before shutting his door.

Gulping down some booze, Tom approached Tord's room. The door was cracked open, light shining through the crack. 

Pushing the door completely open, he instantly snorted at the sight.

Tord was hunched over, arms resting on his desk and head leaning atop of them, peaceful expression plastered across his face  and papers scattered all over his desk.

Tom walked inside and grabbed a blanket off his bed, draping it over Tord's cold shoulders and body. 

"I don't get fuckin' paid enough to be doing this." Tom muttered as he switched off Tord's lamp before leaving and shutting his door behind. 

Before he approached Edd's room, he spotted the kitchen light on. Raising a brow, he shrugged and made his way into the kitchen. 

"Uhh, shouldn't you be in bed?" Tom questioned bluntly, cocking his head to the side.

Edd, who was sitting in a chair jumped in surprise. He glared at Tom.

"Fucking hell, Tom. Don't do that. You nearly made me choke on my cola." He chided.

"Sorry. I had to do it." Tom replied with a shrug, not genuinely meaning it and taking another sip of his booze.

Edd rolled his eyes, sensing Tom's heavy saracasm. "How're Tord and Matt?" He mumbled, returning his gaze to the paper in front of him. 

"Matt's sleeping like a baby, and Tord's passed out on his desk like the moron he is." Tom reported. 

"Good." Edd uttered and took a chug of his cola. 

"Shouldn't you be in bed too? It's 11:30." 

"I'm fine," Edd waved him off. "Just gotta finish this, then I'll sleep." 

"What're you even  _doing_?" Tom questioned as he leaned over Edd to see. 

"Shopping list." Edd replied with a shrug. "Short on cola again, and we've got a few other things we need to buy." 

"Right." Tom snorted, gulping down the rest of his drink. 

Silence hung between the duo as Edd continued to write his list. 

"Edd, can I ask you something?" Tom finally spoke up.

"What is it?" Edd replied absentmindedly, distracted by what he was doing.

"Why did you decide to let Tord back into our lives in the first place? I saw you, I saw the anger in your eyes when you were causing his robot to malfunction. It was there. I've never seen you so angry, never seen you look at anyone with so much pain and hatred. So why? If he hurt you that bad, why?" Tom questioned. 

Edd paused. He stopped writing and dropped his pen on the table. He let out a tired sigh, running his hands over his face and burying it in them. 

"Honestly? I don't know, Tom, okay? I just...maybe it's because I knew him for a long time, we've been friends for years and he basically was like... _is_ like a brother to me in a way. Yes, I was really hurt and angry but I could never really hate Tord or anyone else for that matter. I forgave him because in the end...I still love and care about him. In the end, even though I knew how wrong what he did was, I still missed not having him around. 'Cause it just felt kind of...empty without him. Maybe it's because I thought I lost him once, and I was determined not to again. Maybe it's because of all those reasons." He stated quietly. 

"You just don't want him to leave us again. To leave you again." Tom said matter-of-factly. 

"That fucking too, alright? I don't. I don't want him to be gone for another eight years or more. I know he promised and I one hundred percent trust him to keep it, but still. I just...you know. Don't wanna take any chances." 

"Are you nervous about his leave in a few weeks?" Tom asked as he sat down beside the green clad, this time looking genuinely concerned. 

"A little." Edd admitted shakily, lowering his hands from his face and meeting Tom's gaze. "I mean...what if he doesn't come back? What if he _does_ come back, but he's severely injured? What if something happens to him? What if-" 

"What if you're worrying too much?" Tom cut in. "I get it. You're worried and scared about what's to come. But I truly think you're sweating over nothing. Tord made his promise. He assured us all. Two months at most, if longer he or Pau or Pat wil call to let us know. It won't be like last time. Look Edd, from what I hear Tord's been doing this for a _long_ time. The commie knows what he's doing. If something does happen, Paul and Patryck will take care of it and call to let us know what's up. It's okay. Even though I hate to admit it, the commie's not a _complete_ dumbass. He's actually pretty smart. He's got this. Nothing to worry about, okay?" 

"...Okay." Edd sighed in defeat, nodding. "..Thanks, Tom." He gave him a small smile. 

"No problem, Edd. You coming to bed?" Tom replied as he stood up. 

"In a few minutes. See you tomorrow." 

"See you tomorrow then." 

Tom turned and left the room, turning off the hallway light. 

Edd's smile fell. He sighed unsteadily and returned to writing his list.  

After he finished, he got up and placed it on the fridge with a magnet, cola of course being number one on the list. 

Edd trudged to his room and shut his door behind where he felt tears begin to sting in his eyes. He leaned against the door, gazing at the ceiling as silver tears began to streak his cheeks. 

He desparately covered his mouth with one hand, sob escaping him as he slid down onto the floor, still leaning against the door. 

Another sob escaped him and he choked, hugging his knees close to his chest and burying his face in his arms, crying and shaking violently, hoping nobody would hear him. 

They didn't. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe, poor Edd. :-'( I think the stress is really getting to him. Though it's not really just the stress of Tord leaving in a few weeks, there's a secret reason on why Edd didn't want to go to sleep when Tom asked him to. *nudge nudge, wink wink* 
> 
> WHat have I done!? I made this precious boy cry! 
> 
> Oh well. He will heal in time. First the problem needs to be revealed. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Love y'all, bye!


	11. Fresh Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tord, I'm worried about Edd." Matt mumbled to the Norwegian who was gulping down some water with his pain pills. 
> 
> "Why?" Tord questioned as he turned to him, slightly breathless from the large intake of water. 
> 
> "Look, there he is! Just look at him! Doesn't he look terrible!?" Matt hissed quietly to Tord, pointing as Edd trudged into the kitchen. 
> 
> Tord followed his gaze and his brown eyes widened in shock at the sight. 
> 
> Edd may or may not be developing a sleep deprivation problem. (SPOILER ALERT: He is, and let's just say it really doesn't have to do with overworking himself at all)

_After the events of the robot incident, the trio struggled to get back into their normal routine._

_Tom was holding up just fine. For the most part._

_It was Edd and Matt who were struggling._

_After Tord's punch to the face, Matt had developed a small yet serious case of Haphetophia. Whenever Tom or Edd would touch him, he would instantly flinch. He did the same thing whenever one of their hands got close to his face, swallowing down a whimper and closing his eyes tightly, shaking slightly._

_When Tom or Edd noticed and became concerned, Matt would smile sheepishly and try to shake it off, assuring them he was fine._

_He was never truly successful._

_Edd had it much worse than Matt. He refused to sleep. At night, he would wonder what he did wrong. What he did to make Tord stop being his friend. Did Tord hate him? If so, what did he do to make the commie hate him? Did he never like him in the first place? Was he a horrible friend? Did he do something to hurt Tord that he was unaware of? There must have been **something** , and yet...he never could think of anything. _

_He also barely ate. He would make dinner for Matt and Tom, but never for himself. When Matt would make dinner, he would merely stare at his plate or poke at his food with his fork absentmindedly, not bothering to eat anything._

_"Aren't you gonna eat?" Matt asked with a concerned frown one night._

_Edd shrugged. "'M not hungry..." he mumbled._

_"You said that the last few nights." Tom groaned. "Please Edd, Matt tried really hard to make this. Eat. Now."_

_"I don't wanna."_

_"I don't give a shit if you don't wanna. You have to eat. You fucking look like death, and we don't need you in the hospital."_

_"Tom! Calm down, Jesus." Matt gasped. "It's okay-"_

_"No, it's not okay!" Tom growled, causing both Edd and Matt to jump. "Edd is not the only one struggling here! We are all exhausted, and we are all trying to go back to living a normal life! Not just him! He needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around him!"_

_Edd bit down on his lip, hot tears filling his eyes and anger burning in his heart._

_"It's not like he's trying to be selfish or anything, Tom!" Matt argued. "He just really misses Tord-"_

_"He's **dead**!" Tom finally yelled. "He's dead, and he's never coming back! He betrayed us and left us behind like we were garbage to him! He never cared, he never cared about us to start with or end with! I don't even understand why he misses the dumbass! He was cruel! He-" _

_The dam finally broke. Edd jumped up from his seat, slamming his fist on the dinner table, silencing and scaring Tom and Matt._

_"What do **you** know!?" Edd screamed, glaring at Tom with hot tears streaming down his face. "You never even liked him to begin with! You didn't care about him like I did! What do **either**  of you fucking know!? I know what he did was wrong, okay!? I'm not a child, no matter how much I may act like I am in your eyes! I am fully aware of what's going on in the world! But I don't care! He was still my best friend! I know he's dead!" He broke into sobs. "..I don't *hic* need a damn reminder every single day! H-He was *hic* **important** to me! I know he's never coming back, and...*hic* it breaks me! I know he left us, and it hurts! I just fucking miss him, okay!? You guys wouldn't know what it's like! It's almost like you're acting as if he never existed in the first place! I-I know you're trying to help *hic* but you're just making everything worse!" _

_Edd stormed up the stairs and into his room, slamming his door behind._

_"Good job, Tom!" Matt chided. "You fucked up!"_

_"No, we both fucked up." Tom corrected, taking a swig of alcohol. Matt didn't disagree._

_Two hours later, Matt and Tom were watching TV. Edd slowly trudged down the stairs and sat in his chair. It was awkwardly silent as they watched together._

_There was abruptly a small knock at the door._

_"I'll go get it," Edd muttered, getting up and heading towards the door._

_"Hello?" Edd got out tiredly as he opened it up. He froze, feeling his heart pound. The person was shocked at Edd's appearance. Small rings under his eyes, bloodshot, red and puffy green eyes, and tear-stained cheeks. He and the person stared at each other in bewilderment for what felt like an eternity._

_Tom and Matt felt their hearts stop themselves when they heard abrupt heavy sobbing, followed by the familiar baffled voice. "E-Edd?" The person said._

_The duo rushed to the door and stopped a few feet away from the scene. It was **Tord**. He was alive. He was actually fucking **alive**. Here they were, believing that the commie was dead the whole time and reasonably so. That explosion was expected to have killed him. Yet here he was. Left side of his face burned and left arm crippled and burned, but still..alive. _

_In his arms was Edd, sobbing and clenching the front of his shirt, not planning on letting go anytime and face buried in the commie's chest._

_Unsure of what else to really do, Tord hesitantly wrapped his arms around and held Edd's quaking form. He glanced at the duo who, without disturbing Edd, went over and pulled Tord in by his non-injured arm and shut the door behind him._

_Tord sat on the couch with Edd beside him who was still sobbing. He couldn't help but feel like Edd felt lighter than usual. By a lot. And holding him, Tord could easily feel his ribcage and bones. He swallowed down bile. Had he been...starving himself?_

_"I thought you were dead.." Edd choked._

_"I'm not," Tord pointed out surprisingly softly. "I'm alive. Right here."_

_"I missed you, Tord.."_

_"..Heh. Same here, Edd."_

_No more words were exchanged and no explanations were given as the trio sadly watched Edd eventually cry himself to sleep._

* * *

 "Wow. That actually looks really good, Matt." Tom commented, gazing over at the breakfast meal that Matt was making from his place at the table, book in hand. 

"Thanks Tom." Matt grinned, using his free hand to pull out his mirror and gaze admiringly into it. "After all, nobody can pull off an amazing breakfast like my beautiful self." he stated and kissed the mirror. 

Tom's eyes narrowed in annoyance at his friend's vanity. "Aaaannd I take back what I said." he mumbled, returning to his book. 

Tord entered the kitchen, hands balled into fists and angry expression plastered on his face. Tae was holding onto his arm, dressed in white tank top and blue jeans and grey socks, holding back laughter. 

On Tord's face the words 'I'm a dick' was written as well as 'Hentai Loving Moron', 'Dumbass Commie' and glasses were drawn around his eyes, not mention a mustache as well, all in what looked like black sharpie. 

Tom and Matt gazed at him in silence before bursting into heavy laughter. 

"Oh my God commie, you look like a fucking idiot!" Tom laughed, dropping his book and pointing at Tord. 

Tord growled, trying to throw himself at Tom but Tae held him back. "Fuck you! I'm gonna fucking kill you!!" He growled. 

Tae laughed hysterically as she held him back. "Hei! Du overreagerer!" she giggled. 

Tord growled again as he broke out of Tae's grip and pushed her away, but not roughly. "Skru av, søster. Dette gjelder ikke deg. Det er mellom meg og det jævla Jehovas Witness." 

"Tord!" Tae gasped, breathless from laughter as he stomped over to Tom. "Wait! Du dumbass, bare hør etter et øyeblikk!" 

Tord ignored her as he grabbed Tom by the collar startling the other man. "You son of a bitch! Not only do you draw this shit on my face, but you steal my hentai! Where the fuck is it!?" 

Tom glared at him, yanking himself out of Tord's grip. "What the hell are you talking about!? The fuck, I didn't do any of that!" 

"Then why the hell is my face like this and my hentai missing!?" 

"What the fuck would I know!?" 

"Tord-" Tae tried to cut in. 

"You fucking asshole, if you're lying-" 

"I'm not-!"

"Tord." Tae tried again. 

"I will fucking hurt you-"

"TORD!" Tae finally yelled as loud as she could. 

"WHAT!?" Tord yelled back just as loudly, turning to face her.

The man paled and froze as Tae slowly held up her hands with a sly smirk, one of his hentai books in one hand and a sharpie in the other. 

Tord's expression gradually contorted into rage. "You little bitch-" he started and jumped into a sprint towards the girl. 

Tae let out a scream, grin plastered across her face and she instantly ran off, Tord hot on her heels.

Matt and Tom glanced at each other. Matt sped towards the stove and turned it off before following Tord and Tae out the door, deciding he didn't wanna miss this hilarious scene. 

Tom rolled his eyes with folded arms, but he quickly ran after Matt after a few moments of hesitance.

"Tae! You jackass! Get down here and give me my fucking hentai!!" Tord yelled furiously at his sister who was up in a tree.

Tae stuck her tongue out at him childishly. "Never, dickweed." she teased with a smirk.

Tord growled, face scarlet with frustration and arms folded across his chest.

The Norwegian raised a brow as Matt stepped beside him with a concerned expression, hands cupped around his mouth as he called out to the gunner's sister. 

"Umm Tae, I really think you should listen to Tord! That doesn't look very safe." he cautioned.

Tae giggled. "I'm  _fine_! Don't worry."

"That only makes me worry more..." Matt frowned. 

"Someone sure sounds like Edd right now." Tom snorted bluntly.

"Shut up Tom! I'm serious! What if she falls!?"

"She won't. She's not a clumsy child like you."

"...Screw you."

Tom looked at Tae and Tord. "But she's probably a dumbass considering the fact that she's the idiot commie's little sister." 

"Fuck you!" Tae and Tord exclaimed in unison with heavy glowers.

Glaring at Tom, Tae missed her footing on a branch and it snapped beneath her, causing her to let out a small scream as she quickly regained her footing on another branch.

Tord became alarmed this time, uneasy smirk replacing his frown. "Heh. Okay Tae, you can listen to Matt and get down now."

"Screw you. I'm staying up here."

"Don't be a dumbass! You're gonna fucking fall!!"

"I will not! Fuck off!" Tae exclaimed defiantly, glaring at her brother.

"I'm not catching you if you fall." Tord threatened.

"Good. I'm not a little girl."

"Yet you act like one every day."

"Shut the fu-ah shit!" Tae started to hiss at Tord, but cut herself off whilst letting out a small yelp as both branches snapped beneath her and she was now hanging, her hands gripping at the branch above her.

"Well, I feel fucking stupid...." Tae muttered to herself.

"Get the _fuck_ down!" Tord exclaimed at her, slightest bit of concern showing in his tone.

"Alright Alright, Jesus." Tae snorted and rolled her eyes. She made herself swing back and forward on the branch and let go, falling and Tord managing to catch her before she hit the ground. 

"Never fucking do that again." Tord warned as he set her down. 

Tae smirked. "What? Steal your precious hentai?" 

"Steal my precious hentai and nearly kill yourself by jumping from a tree. I promise, I will hurt you if you ever do." 

Tae shrugged with a giggle. "Whatever you say, bro." 

The four walked back into the house. Tae went back into the guest room upstairs to get dressed, Tom went back to his book, sitting at the table, Matt finished making breakfast and Tord went over to find his pills in the cabinet. 

Matt left the kitchen to go get something from his room, but stopped, startled when he saw Edd at the stairs, rubbing at his eyes. 

"What's with all the noise...?" He mumbled tiredly. 

"Oh um, hi Edd!" Matt greeted awkwardly. "Tord's hentai got stolen." He explained. 

"Makes sense..." 

"Are you joining us for breakfast?" 

"Yeah, I'll be right down in a minute." Edd stated and turned, walking off. 

Matt frowned, forgetting what he wanted to get from his room due to new thoughts of worry for Edd. 

The ginger walked back into the kitchen and saw Tord taking his pills. He walked over to him. 

"Hey, Tord? I'm really worried about Edd." Matt stated. 

"Why?" Tord questioned with a raised brow, turning to him. 

"Well.." Matt stalled, fiddling with his thumbs. He gasped, noticing the green clad walking down the stairs and pointed him out. 

"Look! Just look at him! Doesn't he look terrible!?" Matt hissed in a whisper. 

Tord followed Matt's gaze and his brown eyes widened as soon as they landed on Edd. 

The man's hair was unruly and unkept, he had small bags under his eyes and his green eyes were slightly red and bloodshot, green hoodie tied lazily around his waist revealing his white tank top. He just looked utterly exhausted. 

The trio gaped in shock. 

"Morning..." Edd mumbled sleepily as he passed his friends and approached the fridge to get what he called his "morning cola", instead of just getting something simple such as milk or orange juice like the others. 

Matt threw him a fake, uneasy smile. "M-Morning, Edd! You uhh...sure look tired. Are you okay?" 

"'M fine...rough night, that's all." Edd mumbled before sipping some cola.

"Yeah, we can see that," Tom commented sarcastically, raising a brow. "So uhh... _how_ many hours of sleep did you get exactly?" 

Edd's eyes narrowed slightly at this, gazing at his can absentmindedly. "Why does it matter?" 

"You look like the walking dead, that's why it matters." 

"I got plenty; there's your answer." Edd muttered in response as he tried to walk over to the table, but suddenly lost his balance, becoming dizzy and Tord's eyes widened as Edd accidentally stumbled and fell against his chest. 

"Sorry...Matt..." Edd mumbled, pushing himself off and walking over to the table, sitting down and burying his face in his arms. 

"I'm... _Tord_." Tord muttered lamely with a frown. 

"See!? I told you he's horrible!!" Matt hissed to his friends. "Tom, do something!"

"What? No." Tom replied as he pulled out a flask and drank. He looked at Tord. "Commie, you do it." 

"W-Why  _me_??" Tord questioned him with a glower. 

"Because  _you're_ one of the main reasons he's going through this in the first place." Tom spat without thinking, but he didn't care. It was true. 

" _Tom!_ " Matt hissed in frustration, but Tom merely shrugged as he took another swig. 

Tord was taken aback. He wanted to question the already drunk asshole about what he meant, but glancing at Edd he decided he should focus on the problem at hand. He would question the duo afterwards. 

The Norwegian inhaled and exhaled evenly. He approached the Brit. 

"Edd," he uttered. 

Edd groaned, curling in on himself slightly. 

Tord frowned softly. He grabbed Edd's arm and shook him. 

"Mmph..." Edd mumbled. 

"Edd," Tord sighed. "C'mon. You're going to bed. You need more sleep." 

"No, 'm fine..." Edd groaned, but his protests were fruitless as Tord picked him up and left the table, carrying him upstairs and towards his room. 

"Tord, please..." Edd begged, clenching at Tord's hoodie which caused the Commie to stop in his tracks. "Don't make me sleep...please...I can't..." 

"What's stopping you?" Tord frowned, raising a brow.

Edd froze. He shook his head. "I  _really_ don't wanna talk about it." He mumbled.

"Edd, please sleep for  _at least_ an hour. Me and the others will come to wake you, but do it for Matt and Tom. They're really worried about you." 

" _Fine..._ " Edd grumbled, burying his face in Tord's chest. "Can you just hang until I fall asleep, though?" 

"Sure." Tord agreed as he gently kicked open the door to Edd's room, considering his arms being full.

Tord laid Edd on his bed and sat on the edge as promised. 

"I'm going to be gone now and then for business trips," Tord informed, capturing Edd's attention and he gazed at the other brunette. "Some longer than others. But me, Paul and Pat agreed it won't ever stretch past one to two months at the most." 

"So you'll always come back?" Edd asked hopefully. "No more stupid stuff?" 

"No more stupid stuff. Don't worry, Edd. I won't be gone for another eight years." Tord promises, cringing at the end of his sentence. It sounded even worse saying it aloud.

"Okay..." Edd mumbled, beginning to feel drowsy quickly. 

"Is there anything you wanna tell us? Tell  _me_?" Tord asked quietly.

"No..." Edd lied, for the first time in a _very_ long time.

"Okay." Tord muttered, knowing he was lying but decided to let it go. If he wasn't ready to talk yet, he wasn't ready to talk yet. One can't rush these kinds of situations, even Tord himself knew that. And he would know. He's been through them.

Plenty of them in the past, and he sincerely doubted he wouldn't go through more in the near future.

Tord allowed Edd to hug him before the green clad pulled the covers up on himself and buried his face in the pillow.

"Thanks Tord..." he mumbled, voice muffled.

"Mmm. Sleep well, Edd." Tord replied and turned to leave.

"T-Tord?"

Said Norwegian glanced over his shoulder, standing at the doorway. "Yes?"

"Thanks..."

Tord raised a brow. "For what?"

"For coming home.." Edd muttered, feeling sleep cover him like a blanket.

"No problem, Edd." Tord uttered with a weak smile before leaving his room, shutting the door behind him quietly. _No problem at all..._

Tord walked back downstairs where he saw Matt and Tom at the table.

Matt took notice of him and stood. "How is he?"

"He's okay. Finally sleeping." Tord replied.

"Good." Matt smiled. "He needs it."

Tord frowned. "Did Edd starve himself and refuse to sleep after the robot incident?" He questioned. 

Matt's smile dropped. He sighed, glancing at Tom who nodded at him.

"If the truth is what you want," Matt started. "Then _yes_. He refused to eat any food, and he could barely sleep. I think he blamed himself for what you did. He thought he did something bad to make you do it, thought you hated him or something weird like that and so...he just stopped functioning normally, became less and less happy each day. He truly felt it was because of him. No matter what anyone said or did." He stated solemnly.  

Tord felt guilt hit him like a dozen bricks. He looked down. "So this truly is all my fault, huh?" He mumbled. 

"Don't be dramatic, commie," Tom commented with a sigh. "It's not just you. It's other things as well, we just don't know them yet." 

"But what are they?" Tord questioned. 

"We'll find out. We've been through worse, haven't we?" Matt uttered, gazing at the two. "We'll get through this too. We'll help Edd. After all..." 

He grinned at Tord. "Nobody's ever going anywhere ever again, at least not permanently. We're officially together until the end. Right?" 

Tord managed a smile. "Right." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after the incident, yes Edd did blame himself. He truly thought he did something to make Tord do what he did when the green clad truly didn't. He was so angry, but Edd's never been the type to act on anger or any negative emotion really, so when Tord came back he was so happy and relieved and grateful that he was alive, that he just shoved his emotions down. 
> 
> Which is actually very unhealthy and dangerous. Because in truth, Edd's still angry and hurt towards Tord, and it's only hurting him not telling the red clad how Tord really made him feel and how angry and most importantly hurt he was. 
> 
> Tord and the others will help and save him. Somehow. 
> 
> Welp, hope y'all enjoyed! Again, thanks so much for the support, means a whole lot! Glad you're enjoying this!!
> 
> Night!! <3 :p


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